The Death Eater
by Daroga's Rainy Daae
Summary: The story of Severus Snape before Harry Potter; his life as a Death Eater, his obstacles to overcome afterwards, and his neverending quest for recognition and power... ENJOY!
1. Chapter One

-Severus Snape-  
This was truly a wonderful feeling, to have finally been out of school for a few years, at the strongest point of my curious, young years. I was free to do whatever I pleased, and what did I please most? The dark arts of course - I am fascinated by them. Curses, oh they are the best. How many days had I spent in the library at Hogwarts looking up the most gruesome curses? The danger of them were always enough to take my breath away. What shall I do? Give you an extra head, watch your eyes burn out, see your fingertips melt? Cruciatus curse! Polyjuice potions! I thirsted to test them all on helpless victims! As long as nobody catches me, as long as I have some sense that it's okay, I will not hesitate to practice my skills! But under the careful watch of the headmaster at Hogwarts, I never dared to cross a line.  
  
But now I am free! Do you understand how great this is? A school will no longer limit me, torture me to wait, and wait seven years! Now I can finally do what I want - I want to become a Death Eater! Oh, just the name thrilled me, made me jump with horrible glee to be what I always wanted to be! Death Eaters were allowed to do the most amazing things! Curse people, cause havoc in the wizarding world and muggle world alike! Voldemort... the name was powerful, and just the sound of it reverberated off the invisible walls of fear and echoed inside my head so nicely. I loved that name, which sent fear coursing through every bone of anybody's body, whether they be Death Eater or not.  
  
Death Eaters are a new beginning, they had shown themselves merely three weeks ago, as Voldemort's supporters grew into one, evil circle. He had risen great and powerful, unsuspected by the Ministry of Magic, only last year. His reign was new, but he was growing stronger and more feared with every passing day! I knew he would only become worse, until the world was his, and I wanted to be like him! I WANTED TO BE A DEATH EATER! To be his right hand man, to share his power, I wanted his evil reign to be MINE! And that was what I was going to do. If I try hard enough, I can get whatever I want. And this need was driving me almost to insanity!   
  
If you want something, why don't you go after it? Stop questioning and GO DO IT. My father would always repeat these words to me, so that was what I was going to do. Father, your words are not forgotten. I will go and do what I must, anything, I will kill to get what I want.  
-Voldemort-  
"Tell me, Malfoy, if the muggles didn't escape, why couldn't you kill them?"  
  
"Master - they-"  
  
"No excuses! You are far more powerful than a stupid, bloody muggle! Damn you! DAMN you for your impertinence! I strictly told you to follow my orders! My simple orders, Malfoy! I told you to kill those stingy muggles who hid their fucking mudblood from us! Do you understand how idiotic you made me look?!! Muggles and mudbloods do not escape ME!!! NEVER! NEVER!! NOW LEAVE!" I breathed in forcefully, finishing my rant.  
  
Lucius had gone deathly pale. "Yes sir.." His face disappeared from the flames of my fireplace, leaving me to steam by myself, to mutter and rage at nobody in particular.  
  
Right as I had begun to relax a bit, a loud rapping at the door caught me by surprise, sending one more wave of rage through me. How dare anybody come knocking on my door as if they were my equal! How DARE anyone intrude on my private property! They would indeed pay dearly for that simple knock!  
  
I stomped to the door, throwing it open so hard it bounced against the wall with a loud thud, shattering the glass in it's top section. As I glowered down upon my next victim, shooting daggers at the intruder, I witnessed the stranger bowing so low his long, black hair was trailing on the ground. I couldn't help but feel slightly amused. "What do you want?" I spat at the humble bower, considering letting him live for a little while longer.  
  
The man did not raise his eyes as he spoke, which made my hate for him even less than before. He was treating me like a god, which all my supporters should have done! "I have ventured many miles to seek you, oh powerful master. You are far greater than any wizard in the entire universe, and I beg to join your Death Eaters, for I could be of such service, I will be your most loyal servant."  
  
A smile crept across my face, and not a very pleasant one, I noted. "And what is your name, you who wish to share in my power?"  
  
"My name is Severus Snape, and to share in your power would be an honour beyond all I have ever received," the man said, still stuck in his bow.  
  
"You may stand straight, Snape, let me see your face," I ordered. Severus Snape stood straight, but did not look into my eyes. "What is the matter, Snape?"  
  
"I fear you, master," Snape chose his words carefully. And oh, such powerful words! I swelled with pride, unnoticeable to anyone but myself.  
  
"I expect you to be a very great Death Eater, Snape. We will see what you are capable of tonight, when we raid this very village, actually. I have had some past experiences with it, and you might say the acquaintances I've made weren't very good ones. And I do HATE bad acquaintances. Wouldn't you agree?" I gave Snape a sadistic smile, which he did not return. But a steely glint formed in his eyes as he bowed once again to me.  
  
"Yes, Master. It would be a great honour to join your Death Eaters tonight. How will you call for me?" Snape asked.  
  
"Hold out your left arm," I said. Promptly, he did as he was told, with no question despite the confusion in his expression. "My mark will be carved into your flesh, Snape. When it burns, you will know when to come," I explained.  
  
Snape nodded and watched as I withdrew my wand from my cloak. "And so starts your new, and glorious career as my servant, Snape! You will share in my power, if you please me!"  
  
With that, I muttered the incantation for the Dark Mark to emerge from my wand. A small, black picture of an ugly skull with a snake running through the eyes and mouth appeared, and I touched the tip of my wand to Snape's steady arm.  
  
His cry of pain was horribly stifled as he endured the first of many pains which would result in my services. He was now my loyal slave, and would die for me. And I LOVED IT. 


	2. Chapter Two

-Severus Snape-  
Voldemort accepted me as a Death Eater! How long I had waited for that moment, though at the same time with evil joy coursing through me, I also felt a bit uncomfortable. I had finally received what I wanted, but it was too easy. I wonder if he really expected me to do a good job? What if he was just playing with me? A wonderful joke among his fellow Death Eaters? Was he really that desperate for supporters? Had he always accepted so hastily?  
  
Many questions were flooding my mind as I left Voldemort's house. I had found his abode easily enough - a villager had told me that Tom Riddle lived there once I asked, and I knew too well that Tom Riddle was Voldemort's old name. The one he used before he emerged from the shell and became a powerful, new man. The Dark Arts had helped him to greatness... and oh such greatness I wished for! My duties would not be done until I achieved radiant power that struck fear into the hearts of everyone. What a rush this would all be! What a breathtaking adventure!  
  
I apparated back to my little apartment, and waited so patiently with nothing to do. Boredom was not an alien feeling I had, for I was bored ever since I left Hogwarts. Thrown out into the world without a job, I would steal the money I needed to pay off the apartment bills... though I wondered why I even paid those. If I wanted, I wouldn't have had to pay a penny to those idiot managers of the complex, but I decided to be on the safer side, and keep everything simple. No killing. Not yet. I knew one day, they would have to go.  
  
Hours flew by like seconds, and in no time at all, the fresh Dark Mark scorched my arm, growing darker as it had dulled over the course of the day. Suddenly, I was excited and exhilerated, dancing within myself as if I were just about to talk in front of a large crowd. I wanted to be the first one to apparate in the village! I wanted to please my master with obedient timing!  
  
In a flash, I was standing outside the small village I had visited only a few hours before, and trembling with eagerness, I withdrew my wand from my robes, looking around for others to appear. And as soon as I peered to my left, a man's figure flickered and solidified on the spot. He turned to me with icy blue eyes, and instantly, I recognized him.  
  
"So, Snape, finally decided to join our group of Death Eaters? You're not at all a fool," Malfoy said calmly, nodding to two more men who appeared in front of us. I decided not to answer him, but merely nod back as more and more apparated into a neat little circle. And in hardly no time at all, a looming, skeletal figure appeared in the center of the ring we had created for him.  
  
Every single Death Eater bowed to him and withdrew masks from their cloaks, putting them on with haste. I suddenly felt uneasy, as I had not known to have one. This didn't seem a surprise to Voldemort, who pulled out a mask (which seemed to appear out of thin air) and flung it in my direction. I caught it and strapped it over my face.  
  
"You know what to do," Voldemort said softly, yet clearly. "Kill as many villagers as your hearts desire. Torture them however you please - and don't let your spells be wasted. No wizard or muggle will walk free without my rule! GO!" With this said, he apparated away somewhere, I didn't know, but I had orders. And I was going to follow them.  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
"CRUCIO!" I bellowed, aiming my wand, straight and true at a man backed into a corner of his small house. His screams seemed to carry miles, vibrating against my eardrums and sending a most pleasant chill up my spine. Oh, I loved the sound of a tortured soul!  
  
His cries, demented and terrified, gave me the best feeling in the world, and sent me into an uncontrollable fit of evil laughter.  
  
"Cry! Cry for your life!" I crowed as the man twitched and jolted as if struck by lightning. His shouts softened until all energy was drained from him. I lowered my wand, laughter dying with his soul. This man was finished. Never to see the dawn of another day. I spat with disgust at the weakness of this pathetic muggle. This was much too easy. Note to self: kill slower next time. Use imperious.  
  
The town was very much destroyed, as we had finished off the last living souls. What a wonderful night it was turning into. The dark sky reflected the shining blood and fire very well. What a night filled with terror. It was so irresistible, the feeling of power. I finally felt at home with the Death Eaters... Just me, them, and supreme, evil domination. The word just purred off my tongue; domination...  
  
I wiped off the blood that had splattered onto my wand from previous victims onto the dead man's clothes. This was indeed a thrilling life.  
  
I removed myself from the house, carefully remembering to blow it up once I was out. It seemed all the other Death Eaters had left. Pity; I would have wanted to celebrate the deaths of so many for the remainder of the night. Now I had nothing left to do but retreat back to my apartment. But my blood lust wasn't over! It wasn't fair that I would have to wait again for another village to raid! This was what I was born to do, and now I was delayed in doing it!  
  
This was an irritating problem. Maybe next time I could destroy - I like that word too - destroy a large city? Perhaps one with hundreds of thousands of innocent people? That would be such a nice bit of fun...  
  
If anyone knew me, they would know that I love an obstacle. I do not like getting done with things too easily. A challenge is always wonderful. The harder the challenge, the better the feeling once you've overcome it.   
  
So I decided right then, that maybe, just maybe... I could somehow lure a few Aurors to attend the next killing... Yes, yes! Aurors against Death Eaters in the middle of a destroyed city! What a challenge, what an exciting obstacle! I could very well get myself killed, or put in Azkaban! But I know, oh I know so well that I could defeat any Auror.  
  
To kill an Auror would be an honour from Voldemort, oh I would be rewarded so greatly! What a wonderful plan! What a strength-testing plan! What a horribly evil plan! Voldemort would love it!  
  
So I sat back on my small, rough couch and dreamed up the kinds of things I would receive from Voldemort once I defeated an Auror. Next time, I thought, tomorrow... I will show Voldemort just how faithful of a servant that Severus Snape can be. 


	3. Chapter Three

-Severus Snape-  
It was harder than I had ever imagined to lure an Auror to our raids. Many times I tried; the first time was a total disaster. Voldemort had almost caught me sealing an envelope to the Ministry of Magic. It was utmost suspicious, and Voldemort's betrayal of his trust for us when he exploded at me.  
  
"Be careful what you do," he had spat. "To cross me would be an incredibly painful experience, and I suggest you not try it!"  
  
"There is no reason for you to suspect me of anything," I had replied with an effort to keep my voice calm and reasonable.  
  
"You're hiding something!" he had roared, and for an instant, I faltered. An instant should have been enough, but I continued tersely.  
  
"I have been nothing but loyal to you for the three days that I have served under your power. I have more sense and power than half of those men of yours, I grew up around them, and idiots like them. I will turn out to be your most well-deserved servant, you will see for yourself," I had uttered.  
  
In one fleeting moment, I had thought that it was the end for me, but instead of anger, a humorous look crept across Voldemort's face.  
  
"You say you have such strength yet you are pitifully devoted to me," he had laughed. I knew he was trying to provoke me. I kept my calm and stood perfectly still, unthreatening and sincere.  
  
"Your power is far greater than ever I had comprehended from anyone in the world," I had said breathlessly. "I know you could kill me with a twitch of your finger if you wanted to. I am not fool enough to believe that I would ever have strength to match half of yours, so I am devoted entirely to the most miraculous being in the universe, and I wish only to share in your triumphs. It's an honor in itself to be chosen as I have been."  
  
He had positively glowed at this remark and all suspicion had left him entirely.  
  
"You are not a fool," he then confirmed. "Your soul is a dark one."  
  
"Master," I had finally said, having enough of these games he was playing with me, "What are you playing at? How can you place such trust into someone you hardly even know? I could be an Auror in disguise!"  
  
His look darkened. "Are you?" he asked before bursting into a wave of haunting laughter. "You don't think me a fool, do you, Severus?"  
  
He laughed again at the expression on my face.  
  
"Of course not," I spluttered. "I just wanted to know..."  
  
"How I choose?" Voldemort gave a content snort. "Who is worthy enough to be part of my elite team of Death Eaters?"  
  
"Yes..."  
  
He had drawn close, and glaring maliciously into my eyes, he had said softly, "I can see into your minds... every single bloody one of you!" Then he burst into another fit of laughter, and still to this day I'm not sure if he was joking with me just then.  
  
After that first exprience, I was even more careful than before, but each time I tried to send the letter, it was too dangerous. Too life-threatening. Too messy. I waited. As I waited, Voldemort's suspicion of me never grew. He had my trust. Truthfully, he did! I only wanted to make some fun out of this job. A challenge. A good one.  
  
Then maybe one day, I will prove to him that I am worthy, I am worthy of service and of his trust and companionship. Together we could rule the world! There is no better way to prove myself to him than kill one and quite possibly even more of our greatest foes. They will die like rats! They will drop like flies and all the rest of that garbage!  
  
Time was not important. Only power was.  
  
I was such a fool. 


	4. Chapter Four

-Severus Snape-  
One year and countless raids later...  
It was time for another city raid. I had gotten my wish; I had not failed to finally provoke Aurors to have suspicion about our next target. London. The capital city of England, and no amount of Ministry of Magic power could conceal the evil we were going to inflict upon the muggles of this large place. Oh, I was ready for the hurtles of this challenge, this was going to be my chance to prove how strong I was. How I was worthy of being Voldemort's right hand man.  
  
For months I had dreamed of this opportunity, but too many times it would have been obvious that a Death Eater had sent for the Aurors. And finally, I got my chance to send the ministry the unmarked letter of warning, that we would be in London, my cunning plot unknown to even Voldemort. I had to be quick, unhesitant, and everything could have gone so horribly wrong. What if Voldemort caught me sending this note to the Aurors? I would have suffered a fate worse than death. No doubt I had almost been caught before. But with my intelligence, I knew the time would come when my letter was sent. No straying Auror was going to find us. One wasn't enough. We needed the whole band of them!  
  
This time, it was the all-powerful and feared Voldemort who cast the first spell on London; right in the center of Diagon Alley. It was an absolute STUPENDOUS sight - buildings hundreds of years old blowing up, the explosions like fireworks... Again he disappeared beyond my knowledge of to where he had left to, letting us destroy the rest of it and muggle London.  
  
Spells were everywhere, innocent wizards and witches trying to defend themselves cast their curses towards us; but we were skilled in dueling, and easily repelled the feeble attacks made by the commoners.  
  
We were having quite a fun time rousing up the witches and wizards until the Aurors came. They apparated right in front of me, having no idea that it was I who had sent for them in the first place. Their faces stern and wands ready, I fired a nice little curse in the direction of the closest Auror. He stopped my spell with a countercurse - and might as well have flicked it right over his shoulder. This man wasn't going to be easy. Just the way I like it.  
  
I grinned underneath my expressionless mask, cackling with such challengingly evil delight.   
  
"Have you come to stop us?" I asked mockingly.  
  
The Auror didn't play along, refusing to answer my question, and shooting more spells in my direction. I quickly threw a few back at him, and the game was becoming deadly. The remaining Aurors ran off to fight the rest of the Death Eaters, and soon it was a huge mess of spells, dodging, and horribly bad form.  
  
It was an unfair match - the Aurors were gaining the upper hand on some of the weaker Death Eaters; I just spat. They weren't worthy of being Voldemort's servants if they weren't able to keep up with Aurors, I always knew that.  
  
I was keeping busy with the original Auror who had not spoken to me since the duel began, and he was becoming more and more agitated with every spell I threw at him that he could not always dodge. Finally, I was able to find a pause in his steady countercurses, bellowing, "Expelliarmus!"  
  
His wand was flung from his hand, and he gasped as I caught it, closing in on him. With a wave of my wand, he was in a heap on the ground, struggling to regain his composure, hatred in every line of his defeated face.  
  
"Well?" I asked him simply, twiddling his wand between my fingers, "Aren't you going to say something? Anything?" I began to feel a bit cheated at his impertinence... Why did he refuse to talk? Was I really humiliating him so much?  
  
Before I even knew what had happened, I felt a sharp pain in the back of my head, dropping to the ground and weakly letting both my wand and his slip from my grasp as the Auror's spell sunk deeply into my skull so as I could hear my pulse drumming and throbbing there.  
  
How had I been so foolish?!   
  
I was so caught up with this one Auror and the thrill he was giving me, that I failed to remember that there were others roaming around Diagon Alley who could join him. Stupid, stupid, stupid... How stupid could I be?  
  
I clutched the back of my head, wet with blood, the two Aurors closing in on me.  
  
I wouldn't let them take me so easily, I had to stay under control!  
  
I fumbled about for my wand, which was barely out of my reach... With no quick movements, I could get it... I could touch it, blindly reaching further through the haze that the sneaky Auror had clouded my eyes with...  
  
"You're going straight to Azkaban!" one of the menacing Aurors said, grabbing my cloak.  
  
I touched my wand, curling it in my hand and shooting a spell in the Auror's face.  
  
He screamed, falling back, clutching his eye.  
  
I gathered up my recovering strength as I scrambled for the other Auror's wand before he could grab it up again. And he thought he had won! What a complete fool compared to the slight mistake on my part. His light had shown for one gleaming moment, but in another, the curse was already formed on my lips.  
  
"Avada kadavara!" I hissed, jamming my wand toward the original Auror.  
  
In a blinding second of green light, everything was silent. As the light faded, I saw a body fall limpy to the ground. He was dead.  
  
"MARIUS, NO!"  
  
The furious Auror brandished his wand at me with blind rage; fool of a wizard. He was too blind with rage to concentrate. Bad luck.  
  
"IMPERIO!" I shouted a bit dizzily, laughing wildly as the man froze under my spell. "Now this is just TOO easy," I whispered to the wizard, carefully stepping towards him. I felt his resistance to my curse, but I was too powerful for him; he could not escape. "Relax..." I purred softly, "You're already dead. Just let my curse consume you, and I will tell you everything."  
  
The man must have been listening; he was under my spell. This was such a delight! I loved the feeling of... power...  
  
"It was I who sent you that letter, I who warned you of the Death Eaters in London. I've been trying many months for the perfect chance and finally I got it. Why the note? Because I'm thrilled by the kill. Am I mad? Perhaps so. But I must give in to my lust, wouldn't you agree?" I made him nod. "I thought you would. We must all give in to what we do best. It is what strengthens us. Feeds us. I, a true Death Eater, am invincible to good merely because I feed off of what I do, does that make any sense? I love it, therefore I am. To see you now, standing here, helpless to my power, is the greatest feeling I've ever had. I guess I am mad. I'm not ignorant, you know. I know what good is. I know that I could be it." I shifted my position and stared straight into the man's eyes, inches away now, pulling my mask up my forehead so he could see who I was. It didn't matter, he was going to die anyway.   
  
"We choose different paths," I continued ever softer now, my sadistic glare seeming to burn into him. "Mine was just the right one. The path all madmen take, isn't it? So you realize that you people have no chance. You think you're winning, but you're not mad with the lust for this. You have not the spirit. And you will lose. What do you have to say now?"  
  
"Voldemort," the man mouthed, but he would not say the whole sentence I had commanded of him. Pushing more strength into the imperious curse, I made him say, "V-voldemort is..." and he stopped.  
  
I grinned at this man's will power to stop my words from coming from his mouth.  
  
"Don't resist," I whispered, "It will only be harder on you."  
  
"Vol-...demort i-is-"  
  
"Yes," I cooed, then I broke into soft laughter, crowing, "Continue! What IS Voldemort, to YOU!?"  
  
"Voldemort is my m-m-master..."  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"V-Voldemort is m-my immor-tal... master!"  
  
"Yes!" I shouted, shivering with pleasure as the Auror almost seemed to say this on his own. His eyes turned involuntarily bright, and it took me a few seconds to figure out what was happening. I frowned. "You're giving in so quickly... So easily," I murmered. "You're weak. You seem muggle. How can you stand here in front of me, calling yourself an Auror, and act generally like a cowardly fool? I wouldn't have expected more from a child, but you... a grown adult and there are those childish tears in your eyes as if I had just stolen your favorite teddy." I pouted mockingly and gave the man a sinister look.  
  
"Voldemort - Voldemort -"  
  
"Let his name sing through this wasteland, this pitiful city in which you could not save!" I shouted.  
  
I did have the upper hand. I really did. I was in my prime just before the quickly-materialized fist made contact with my head. For a second there was pain, and then, there was darkness... 


	5. Chapter Five

-Severus Snape-  
"-away with this! Let me go! Damn you, DAMN you all straight to hell! LET ME GO!"  
  
I awoke to somebody's screaming, which echoed off the walls. My question: Where was I?  
  
I opened my eyes, seeing only a blurry room as my brain tried to work, my head throbbing from the blow that had rendered me unconscious. The yeller continued his protests; didn't he know it was no use, wherever he was? No amount of screaming can get you anywhere.  
  
"Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!" I cried, the pounding in my head growing louder, more painful. "Would you stop your yelling!?"  
  
"I demand to know what you want with me!" the man growled.  
  
"Who the hell ARE you?" I muttered, closing my eyes to steady myself, then opening them again, my vision cleared. The man I saw was none other than the one I had cast my imperious upon! Although he was throwing himself against the bars that kept him in his little cell, I realized that I had been sprawled across a room that I seemed free to exit whenever I wished. My captor was not an Auror. Good.  
  
"Where the bloody hell am I?" I wondered aloud, peering around the dark room.  
  
The Auror's face spread in amusement. "You don't know your own master's dungeons?"  
  
"What?" I asked stupidly.  
  
"Try the door, I bet it's locked," he continued, pointing in the door's direction.  
  
"What?" I repeated. "My master has no dungeon."  
  
"Well, you're in it, aren't you? Go ahead, try the door," the Auror replied, a look of despising humor in his eyes.  
  
"I will NOT do as you ask! This is a trap, isn't it? A little Auror game!" I spat, feeling very foolish indeed.  
  
"You're a bloody fool, and you deserve any punishment your master may inflict upon you!" the Auror hissed savagely.  
  
"Why would Voldemort punish ME!?" I suddenly burst with anger.  
  
"You betrayed him, didn't you?" the man said, starting to laugh. "You said so yourself. He was probably there the whole time you were telling me your plot! FOOL!" he grinned triumphantly.  
  
"What..." I was angry and confused. My head didn't seem to be screwed on right. My thoughts were clouded. I remembered telling the Auror my plan. I remember the fist. What was I missing?  
  
"Look," he sighed. "Let me make this easy for you, you stupid piece of garbage. Your master saw and heard everything. He was the one who hit you. Now he's mad. If I'm lucky he'll kill you first, then maybe I'll have a more enjoyable death, myself."  
  
My brain turned on as the Auror stopped talking. It was true! Voldemort could have been listening to all that I had said! Damn, I should have killed that Auror! I should have killed him! I should not have toyed or talked to him, how egotistical could I be!? Thinking I could get away with something like that! Thinking I could get away with telling that kind of thing to an Auror!  
  
I suddenly stood up, ignoring the sharp pain that flew across the back of my head. I rushed to the door and tugged. It really WAS locked! This man wasn't lying!  
  
"DAMN!" I shouted in fury, searching for my wand and finding that it wasn't with me.  
  
"Idiot! Your master took it!" the Auror cried, seeming to enjoy himself with my distress. Of course he was. He was an Auror that I had humiliated. I'm probably the most hated being he had ever hated in his entire life!  
  
"Will you SHUT UP!?" I yelled, my head throbbing annoyingly.  
  
"Once you're dead!" he retorted.  
  
"I'll kill you!" I shouted, leaping towards his cell. The Auror stepped back and watched me plunge my arms through the bars, reaching for his neck. He was barely out of reach. "Coward!"  
  
In an instant, the man had drawn forward and we were both at each other like blood-obsessed dogs, tearing at each other's faces through the bars. I planted a good knee into the man's crotch just as he took a handful of my hair and knocked my face against the bars. The Auror fell back, gasping for breath as I left him to his cell, beginning to feel more and more like an idiot while wandering around the room dizzily.  
  
"Enough!"  
  
I jumped as a familiar icy voice filled the room. "Master, I..."  
  
"You really fucked up this time, Snape! NOT A WORD FROM YOU!" Voldemort roared.  
  
I found a corner of the room to steady myself in and fell silent, watching Voldemort eye the exhausted Auror through his cell. Only then did I realize that Malfoy accompanied him. He didn't look my way.  
  
"You may have cost me one of my best Death Eaters!" my master hissed to the Auror, stepping up to the bars. I just stood, dazed with my hand against the wall. Cost him? May have cost him? What was he talking about?  
  
"You'll burn in hell, bastard," the Auror growled in disgust, but he had turned a deathly pale. I didn't dare make any remark. Neither did Malfoy.  
  
Voldemort just laughed. "You'll wish you were in hell once I'm done with you," he smirked. "Or should I say... once my Death Eaters are through with you? Lucius! Take this pitiful Auror and get him from my sight! You and the others will kill him nice and slowly, understand? When I come back, I want to see him dead."  
  
"Yes, master," Malfoy said, nodding, flicking his eyes to me then back towards the Auror's cell.  
  
Voldemort opened the door, and the Auror, in panic, tried to dart away. My master caught him easily and threw him into Malfoy, who pulled the man by the neck.  
  
"You're all dead! You're all dead! When the others come, YOU'RE ALL DEAD!" the Auror shrieked before the heavy door closed with a loud bang, leaving Voldemort and myself alone.  
  
There was a horrible silence for a few minutes in which I stared at the floor, knowing that Voldemort's eyes were on me.  
  
"I do not forgive without punishment, you understand," the master whispered darkly. I didn't reply. "Damn you," he said softly, yet with force and loathing. "It's your fault that four of my Death Eaters are dead now. Because of your enormous head and uncontrollable 'lust for the kill' as you call it, my men are DEAD!"  
  
Still, I did not reply.  
  
"What have you to say?" he asked icily. I still refused to answer or look at him. What was I supposed to do? It didn't matter if I begged for forgiveness, it didn't matter if I told him I'd never do it again, it didn't matter WHAT I did, and I knew that because I understood him! One of the only ones, too, and he knew it. He knew that whatever I said wouldn't make a difference. He frowned.  
  
"Why do you not answer? Why do you not look at me? You're a pathetic soul, and you don't deserve to live! I'll admit that you're one on my best, but that does NOT give you any privileges, and it's unfortunate how such a cunning one as yourself should have such an enormous ego! You think you can do anything! You're a danger to every one of my men! What am I to do with you!? WHY don't you look at me!? Do you fear me still. dammit, ANSWER!"  
  
"Yes," I whispered.  
  
"THEN WHY DID YOU LIE!?" he roared. I didn't reply. "ANSWER ME!" he growled, landing a blow on me that connected my already painfully throbbing skull against the wall. For a moment, I saw two Voldemorts before blacking out for less than a second, a cloud passing over my eyes. I believe he had feared that he had killed me before he got some answers out of me for a minute, but when he saw that I was merely dazed, he hit me again, but this time without so much force.  
  
"I wanted..." I trailed off, trying to pull my scattered brain together, but even then I forgot what I was going to say, perhaps I had forgotten the whole English language for a second there...  
  
"What did you WANT!?" Voldemort shouted, his hand ready for another blow.  
  
"Show you - prove to you," I answered hastily, eyeing his hand. "Prove I... Prove to you that-"  
  
"That you were worthy? We've had this discussion before, Snape; you had already proven yourself to be! I have ways of knowing, you don't have to PROVE YOURSELF by killing the Death Eaters! You believe that betraying my trust has proven you worthy!? Well it hasn't! You are worthy of nothing, and as I've said before, a danger to your team!" Voldemort yelled.  
  
"Self-conceited arrogance," I muttered. "That's what it was."  
  
Silence.  
  
"If you are to kill me now, go ahead now; I pray I've been faithful enough so that you might do so painlessly. But you've done nothing to me so far, and that's going to drive me insane."  
  
"You're already insane," Voldemort said coldly, pulling out my wand and dropping it into my hands. "What are you going to do now? I tell you I will kill you. What do you do? Will you defend yourself?"  
  
"No."  
  
Voldemort brought forth his own wand in the blink of an eye and pointed it directly into my face. "You will defend yourself," he said, grinning.  
  
"No," I repeated with the same calm as before.  
  
"CRUCIO!" he cried.  
  
I screamed before I realized that I was doing it, and I threw myself against the wall in confused panic, hitting the ground hard, writhing.  
  
"You can stop this by cursing me, Snape! You still have your wand!" Voldemort crowed.  
  
I held my wand with a death grip, yet still refused to use it, continuing to writhe and scream, and through my screams I shouted no.  
  
"Why not!? You want this pain to END!" Voldemort yelled, and he continued with the crutiatus for perhaps a very long thirty seconds before I did anything but scream.  
  
I raised my wand, but only to throw it aside, the temptation to stop this curse too great. With that action done, Voldemort stopped the pain and glowered in fury.  
  
"WHY NOT!?" he shouted.  
  
I struggled for breath, gasping and willing myself not to sob. I could have stopped it and died! I could have stopped it and died. Why not? Good question.  
  
Voldemort growled and pulled me off the ground, shoving me against the wall and making me stare at him, pinning me so that I would not fall. "Why NOT?"  
  
Because I am devoted and trustworthy. Because I will not betray you. Because I may be stubborn and arrogant, but will not try to hurt you, master... You know that. I know you do. You just want to hear it from me.  
  
"Why not?" he repeated again.  
  
And then I fainted. 


	6. Chapter Six

-Voldemort-  
"Jack's my name. I was here only because I was looking for you. Believe what I say; if I were not on your side I wouldn't make such a lie as this would be. Why else do you think I'm willing to tell you exclusive details about Albus Dumbledore's life, if not to help you to gain power? I am related to him and I want him dead. Trust me."  
  
My eyes bore into those of the girl's who stood in front of me, keeping them skillfully unreadable. She stared back with the same calm and that irritated me. This girl was young and naive, and knew not the first thing about gaining power and evil! She had no idea of what she was getting herself into by trying to lure me to take her words.  
  
Of course I didn't know if this girl was telling the truth. She wasn't an open book like some of my Death Eaters; like Severus Snape, who was presently spending his time in my dungeons while the rest of the Death Eaters were causing havoc and I was finding more people I could take under my control. I had just stumbled upon this child, who looked no more than twenty years of age, and was standing in my presence among the bodies of her dead family. She had told me that she didn't care that this had happened. Good riddance she had said. She wanted to join me. I only didn't kill her because her talk was more than the usual excessive jabber I hear constantly from cowardly wizards and witches, pleading for their lives or making me promises that the more arrogant and powerful of our kind would never dream of uttering from their lips, no matter how degraded they would become.  
  
This reminded me of that stubborn Auror who had been killed by my Death Eaters recently and was now rotting somewhere at the bottom of a lake some ten miles away from this week's abode of mine. You really can't be too careful, understand.  
  
But this girl who stared at me now, stared without emotion, without thoughts. And she was annoying me greatly.  
  
"Trust, I cannot give you," I replied to her finally. "Not only do you show little to no strength, but, people must have told you before; you look as if you would go back on any word you give."  
  
As I expected, the girl wasn't to be moved. By this time, I imagined a conversation much like this I had had with that difficult man, Severus Snape. Why I keep him is a mystery, but why I made him is the most obvious thing I had ever done. Just the look of determination and dependance-to-die-for-you convinced me that he was willing to give up anything to become a sick, little, murder puppy of a Death Eater. But his power is great, I can give him that. Like he had said, his would never come close to my strength, but he was one of my top men. It did surprise me a little when he pulled that stunt of his that kept him from today's expedition, but what could I have expected from such an egotistical man half-crazed with love for my evil?  
  
"Then you make a mistake," the girl said.  
  
"I make no mistakes," I answered calmly, yet abruptly. "You know I am not a fool."  
  
"I do," she replied. "But what would you rather have? My trust? Or Albus Dumbledore's life? You know that if I ever betrayed you, you could kill me as easy as anything. I hate the bastard for all those summer's I've had to spend with him, but I know things that would lead to his death! You could rule! You could have control over the whole world with him out of the way!" She crossed her arms, an action which made her look even more young and ridiculous.  
  
"Silly child. You understand nothing," I said. But even then, I was considering taking her to the small, abandoned castle I had taken up for my Death Eaters and I to spend a few days in before moving on to the next town.  
  
The girl took one step closer, hardly making a sound in the rubble that used to be her house, and stared up at me with extreme calm, with her large, dark eyes, as if trying to hypnotize me with her unblinking stare.  
  
She said in a hushed tone, "I can give you secrets about Dumbledore that would make you ruler within weeks. I know where he is. I know his weaknesses. I know what he knows, and I am your ONLY link."  
  
I looked back at her with the same adament stare. "If you are lying, you die," I said.  
  
"I am not lying," the girl assured me.  
  
"There is only one way for me to find that out," I replied.  
  
"How is that?" she asked.  
  
"Let out your left arm," I instructed. She did as she was told and I took out my wand.  
  
"What are you going to do?" she asked, not the least bit fearfully.  
  
"Watch," I said sharply, casting my curse and burning into her arm the dark mark; my mark; the mark that not only attracted my servants to me, but enabled me to see into them. Even as the mark was engraving itself, and boiling into the girl's skin, she became open to me. And I knew what she wanted. "Power. Death. Revenge," I uttered as the mark faded slightly. The girl only grimaced and stared at what I had given her.  
  
"Death. Revenge," she repeated softly. "I hate him, Dumbledore." She had no more to say on that subject, and I didn't want to know more. I discouraged ranting and holding grudges. This girl was perhaps weak, but not entirely stupid and useless. She could do me some good.  
-Severus Snape-  
I was pacing. Not in the dungeons anymore, no; this time Voldemort had left the door unlocked, but I still didn't have my wand back; he didn't trust me enough yet. I was pacing the hallway, waiting for the others to return from, I was guessing, a raid that I had apparently missed out on. I knew they would come back; Voldemort hadn't killed me, and he would have done that rather than left me stranded. So I paced.  
  
I was pacing until somebody appeared, an apparated figure back from the kill. I didn't know who it was until they stepped from the shadows of the looming walls, and they didn't even have to take their mask off first because the hair was a distinct bleached blonde color that nobody else on the team but Lucius Malfoy possessed.  
  
"What are you doing back so early?" I asked him, unable to help a slightly cold tone of voice. I never really liked this man very much.  
  
"Master's orders," he sighed calmly, removing his mask delicately. "You are to be told that there is a new addition."  
  
"And he had to send you to tell me this?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him.  
  
Malfoy shrugged and began to dig around in his robes, pulling out my wand from the folds. "And he wanted me to give you this back," he said. He tossed it to me indifferently and I grabbed it out of the air impatiently. Malfoy didn't leave, though. He just glared at me with those annoyingly silvery-grey eyes. "Answer me something."  
  
"It depends on what you want me to answer," I shot back.  
  
"Why is it... that he lets you get away with so much...?" Malfoy asked slowly. "You know that if it were any of the rest of us that had done what you did, Voldemort would not have thought twice about shredding our skins... But you seem to be the favorable servant of his. I wonder why that is, don't you?" He shrugged again and pulled his mask back over his face. I didn't have an answer for him, and I don't believe he wanted one. He had apparated away before I could have said anything.  
  
I stared coldly at the spot the Malfoy had apparated from for a few seconds longer, but told myself to think nothing of my master's ways.  
  
I went back to pacing, wondering who the new addition might be. 


	7. Chapter Seven

-Severus Snape-  
It was one bad thing after the next; a horrible chain of events, my own luck crashing to dust. As if Voldemort's lack of trust in me, and getting out in pretty bad shape isn't enough; but it had seemed as if he had replaced me! It was selfish of me to think that Voldemort would pay special attention to me in particular, but the day after my 'minor' slip-up, he had taken a girl home with him!  
  
He said nothing about her, and we expected no explanation form him. Whatever he says, goes, no question. But the girl, who liked to be called Jack (although I called her Jacklyn mostly just to irritate her), stayed with us ever since. Every raid, every different hideaway we take under our control, she's there.  
  
She's got a problem, too, with knowing her place. She believes herself to be higher than the Death Eaters, and mostly tags along at Voldemort's heels wherever he goes. She's like his dog, as I had told her countless times before. She never joins the raids, but watches them calmly at Voldemort's side, and if ever he decides to apparate away and kill somebody important, she grabs hold if his hand and goes with him. It's a sickening thing to watch.  
  
It's terrible, the way Voldemort let's the girl walk all over him. In letting her do whatever she wants, he shows weakness that he had never shown before. It sickens me, as I said, and I've asked the girl, many times shouted at her, why she decided to join us, why she thinks she's so great, why she thinks she's so important, and what gives her the RIGHT? Why in hell would Voldemort take such a girl?  
  
I would wonder... Does he care about her? And if he does, why HER? In fact, WHY in general? I don't even care for any silly girls; no doubt Voldemort should have more power to keep himself from their temptation?  
  
All these questions! Mainly, why was she so important!? I had to find this out! And if Voldemort had no more than the reason that he's fond of her, (I shudder), then there's absolutely NO hope for us. The Aurors would have no trouble using the girl as bait. She's probably dim-witted and not very strong, and the Aurors could catch and hold her until Voldemort gave himself up to them. What a frightening thought; and how embarrassing! I hope Voldemort didn't have feelings for that child! That would be the end of us all.  
  
Malfoy wasn't too keen about the girl around, either, I could tell. He had liked to think of himself as second in command before the girl showed up... That selfish fool. There was one good thing from the arrival of the girl; it sure shut Lucius Malfoy up for a while. He had been murderous and in a bad mood ever since she showed up. I bet if I offered, he would team up with me and kill her in the night. We could throw her body in a lake and tell Voldemort that she had run away. If he ever found the body, he would think that she had been killed in battle against Aurors, or the followers of Dumbledore, or the Ministry of Magic; or all of them. They're all connected, anyway.  
  
I really did want her dead. You could call it jealousy, but I wouldn't say it was that. We just wanted our master back.  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
"-And it was saying how the family was found buried among the rubble of the destroyed village, but the girl was nowhere to be found," Jack mused. "They suspect I've been kidnapped, or held for questioning, or taken and tortured and killed! They also suggested that I had been disintegrated somehow, but even THEY figured it was highly unlikely. Odd assumption for idiots."  
  
There was a round of laughter from most the Death Eaters other than Lucious Malfoy and myself. They found the girl charming. Weak men, and their uncontrollable, disgusting desires. She sat next to Voldemort, of course, at the head of the table as we ate our dinner, fancy; one thing we did every few months if raids went well.  
  
"Not only are the people who work for the Daily Prophet and Evening Prophet, imbeciles, but so is the Ministry of Magic for believing them!" she snorted. Not only am I glad, but grateful and, by God, am I relived that Voldemort allowed me to-"  
  
"You should refer to your master as Lord Voldemort," I interrupted quietly, harshly to the girl who sat only two chairs away, though one of those chairs was not Voldemort's.  
  
"Severus," Voldemort addressed me from his high post, grinning icily and seeming to be in good humor, "A small slip with her formalities; please, let the girl continue."  
  
I slunk back in my seat, and I was willing to bet that my look had considerably darkened.  
  
"As I was saying," Jack blabbered, "It was the best choice I'd ever made in my entire life..."  
  
She continued in this manner for so long that I decided that I had had enough. I abruptly stood from the table, unable to take any more of this, and stormed out of the room. Nobody saw me leave; they were too busy paying attention to the dog. Nobody noticed but Voldemort, who cleared his throat, stood, gave a waving gesture to carry on, and followed after me. I didn't realize that he was following me until he decided to make himself noticed with a few hard steps on the floor behind me.  
  
I turned around to see him in a bright mood, a chilling state for one who looked as he did; as if he should never have been able to be very happy in the first place.  
  
"Is there something wrong, Severus?" Voldemort asked, giving me the impression that he was on the verge of cold laughter. "You have been acting in the STRANGEST way since I don't know when!"  
  
"It's that GIRL!" I hissed, momentarily forgetting how my master might take my words. "She shouldn't even BE here!"  
  
Voldemort merely lifted his eyebrows calmly. "She is an important part to our little clan!" he said, seeming to laugh now, though he did not even smile.  
  
"Why? WHY is she so important? You ALWAYS say she's important, and you let her go wherever she pleases, whenever she pleases, and you don't even mind! It's as if you have complete trust in the girl!" I replied.  
  
"I DO have complete trust in her," Voldemort answered quickly. "Is there any reason why I should not?"  
  
I hesitated. "Why do you not trust any of US?" I asked.  
  
"Us? You? The Death Eaters?" Voldemort glanced towards the table again just as another wave of laughter flowed into the hall we stood in.  
  
"Yes!" I cried, trying to keep my temper down.   
  
"You don't see the trust in that girl? It is as if I am her father! The good father that she never had! She has trust in me to die for, don't you see? Why shouldn't I trust such a pitiful creature as that?" he said coolly.  
  
"So you do not think of her as one of us?" I asked softly.  
  
"Never," Voldemort said.  
  
"Then why is she so important to you?" I asked.  
  
"She's quite a lovely girl, isn't she?" Voldemort retorted.  
  
"I don't think there's anything special about her," I said more harshly than I wanted to. "You're avoiding my question."  
  
Voldemort seemed to be taken aback, but only in an amused way. "And when DID we get the privilege of talking to our master so?" he laughed.  
  
"She's such a painful distraction to the others! She helps us with nothing, and only holds us back!" I said.  
  
"No," Voldemort replied with force that frightened me. He took a breath. "No. She doesn't set us back, but pulls us further to a world under MY rule! She has the most interesting things to say to me when you and the others are gone! I cannot tell you yet."  
  
"You don't trust me!" I cried, disbelieving.  
  
He shrugged. "No. I don't. Is there something wrong?"  
  
"So you haven't forgiven that incident so many weeks ago!" I shot.  
  
"I don't forgive," he shot back. "And I don't forget. I remember what you did even if you decide to disremember it. You are such a damnable person, Severus. And that is why I keep you!"  
  
And he burst into the fit of wild laughter that had been threatening to escape him throughout our whole conversation.  
  
I couldn't take much more, and with a stiff bow, spinning on my heel, I strode off down the hall to a solitary room. Anywhere but there.  
  
Anywhere but near him. 


	8. Chapter Eight

-Severus Snape-  
Depressed and confused, I tried to sort things out, or at least gather the concept that Voldemort was out of his mind. What an unpredictable person he was; it was always so hard to guess what he was up to, or what he thought of a person. Me, for example; I thought at least that he had forgiven me by now! But our recent confrontations told me I was so very wrong... He could not trust me a bit, and I guessed that he hated me. But that could not be! He 'kept me', as he put it...  
  
What does that even MEAN, though? He said that I was such a damnable person, and that is why he keeps me... No sense! No sense in that at all! The man is mad! Why didn't he kill me? Why doesn't he kill me now? Why does he wish to have me around when I've caused him to lose his trust in me? Oh, I need to stop questioning everything; it's all getting so confusing!  
  
Then the answers hit me. It is because he is of the most pure evil! It's as simple as that. He has gone beyond normal human emotions and thoughts, and whatever he seems to care about really means nothing to him! In the end, when all his cover is stripped, it only comes down to how many are dead, because the pleasure is the kill and the more the kill the more the pleasure for yourself, and yourself is all it comes down to, dog eat dog, dog eat dog, dog eat dog, I understand!   
  
He keeps me because I am a killer! Because I am a ruthless, thoughtless slave and I ENJOY it! I'm HIS dog, ready to die for him, and WHY? What is my life worth? I kill for fun, but what do I get? A life as pond scum, obeying orders, being a slave... But at the same time, the excitement! The chase, and being a rebel! A wanted man! Ten thousand for his head!  
  
No. That's not true. Not ten thousand... absolutely NOTHING. A lifetime in Azkaban. Not fun.  
  
Not fun if they can catch me! There's still the chase!  
  
The chase is getting old! I run too fast!  
  
I'll give myself up! Try to escape, then!  
  
No, that's absolute stupidity! I'll get myself killed!  
  
Ah, but what is life worth, anyway?  
  
Start something new! Run from Voldemort and start your OWN rebellion! Become some individual person of chaos, confuse the Ministry of Magic; hero or terrorist? What am I? That is only for me to decide! Ha ha! How glorious! How thrilling! How new! How thoughtful! In a few years, it will be BOTH Voldemort and the Ministry after my skin! What a challenge! Forget about utter stupidity for a while and tell me this is a brilliant plan!  
  
I would not tell Voldemort what I had decided; that was apparent. He surely wouldn't be in any good humor for that. I had to escape sometime, and when better than during a raid? He would never expect me to run away like I was planning to. This was perfect.  
  
"Snape."  
  
I jolted as I was suddenly driven from my deep thinking and planning, hearing the familiar voice of Voldemort outside the door I used as my shield against him. He didn't ask for me, he demanded of it.  
  
"Yes, master," I addressed him.  
  
"Come out here, Snape, and speak to your master civilly," Voldemort hissed softly.  
  
I shivered with anger because of my new found realization, my plan, and that gave me courage and strength. I was my own person. I had no master to obey.  
  
I did as I was told obediently, opening the door with a calm swing. There he stood, tall and menacing. He had power, and I came back to the need for a share in it. I quickly reminded myself that I would be stronger alone.  
  
"Yes, master?" I repeated innocently.  
  
"You left in such a hurry. I was wondering if everything... is all right?" He wasn't asking me out of politeness or of sympathy. He just wanted to know what I was up to in here.  
  
"I was cooling down, master," I lied sincerely. "I decided that I had not enough control to be in your presence."  
  
He smiled coldly. "And who's fault is that, of your terrible temper?" he asked.  
  
"Only mine, master, I will not act like that again," I said.  
  
"No plot against me has crossed your mind, has it?" he asked in his irritating humor. He does read minds, he does read minds, he DOES read minds!  
  
"Never, my master," I said in all seriousness. "I would never plot anything of the sort."  
  
"You trust me, don't you, Severus? I am your master, after all," he said calmly, still not in any way that could be mistaken as polite or sympathetic. "Because if you cross me, I can become what has never existed in your nightmares! I know you all too well, Severus. Understand that. I know all that goes through your head." He does read minds, he does, he does! "And if you show any sign of resistance, you will pay a horrible price."  
  
"I understand," I said, unfaltering. "I would do nothing to cross you, master, trust me on that one; you must."  
  
"Ah," he interrupted. "But I MUSTN'T! And I don't, Severus. I don't. You keep living. You keep surviving. Every day you come closer and closer to the edge, and you just can't wait to fall off, can you? And then you'll keep falling and falling, and I'll be at the top, laughing as you fall all the way down! Until you hit the bottom, but you will still survive, but that's only if you cross me. That's the only way you'll live, but by the time you reach the bottom, you won't WANT to live anymore, that's the problem!" And he laughed again, as he had before. "I can't wait," he added.  
  
"You'll be disappointed," I said. But inside my head, I was saying, "Yes, you'll be disappointed because I'll push you off the edge first! Then we'll see who'll be laughing after that." 


	9. Chapter Nine

-Severus Snape-  
I sat with the other Death Eaters; Voldemort and Jacklyn weren't to be seen. I had the worst feeling of disgust that he was doing more than sleeping late in his private bed chambers. How degrading.  
  
I hated Voldemort as well as his wench, but I kept quiet. I had told the girl of my hate for her, but Voldemort I did not dare say a word to. He could read me like a book, and if so much as a "Hello, master," escaped my lips, he would know for sure that I was planning on ditching him this day when we went out on our raids.  
  
Yes, I was to be free! Away from him, against him, and if I'm lucky, I will kill him one day. He'll see what I think of him very soon! Nobody disrespects me and gets away with it, and he knows that he has pushed my anger to the top. I hate how he toys with me, how he taunts and mocks, as he does to the others but they cannot SEE! They don't open their eyes to what is happening around them! How can they stand being treated like that?   
  
The dreams I once had are down the drain! They mean nothing to me after I have felt the power, after I know what I'm up against! Voldemort doesn't care about any of us! He only cares about his own power, and it doesn't matter to him what we try to get out of it.  
  
Footsteps. They had finally come.  
  
"Master," the Death Eaters swooned one by one, silencing their incoherent babble and parting for him and his girl to make their way past us to the end of the table, where they both sat.  
  
I gave the girl an icy glare, and she stared calmly back into my eyes. I was going to kill her, I was going to KILL her! And please, let it do me two favors! Let it finally shut the fool up, and hurt Voldemort! Let it hurt Voldemort as he'd never been hurt before, because I know now that he loves the bitch! For one such as himself, I would think that the signs wouldn't be as obvious. Of course he hides his feelings well, but not well enough for me not to detect it.  
  
His love is bad. It means that there is no hope for the other Death Eaters. That one emotion was what separated us from the good. I won't be part of this confusing bunch, or the good guys. I will be one by myself, and alone, I will be a terrible force. I will be the only true evil!  
  
Oh, me; how wrong I be.  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
"STUPEFY!"  
  
"PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!"  
  
"CRUCIO!"  
  
The shouts of the Death Eaters that I could hear were hardly a whisper against the cries of the muggles we were attacking in a town that was the choice fun for that lazy afternoon. Of course, torturing muggles was the last thing on my mind. I had a job to do, and I was going to go through with it. This was the time of truth; how brave could I be?  
  
Apparating and disapparating around the town, to make sure that I looked as if I were as busy as the others, I searched for Voldemort, who had, as usual, disappeared with Jacklyn. I was filled with many different feelings; hate, disgust, thrill... Revenge is sweet. I had to pay Voldemort back for insulting me. I had to find him. I apparated to a part of the countryside, the cries from the town muffled by distance.  
  
"Where are you, you impulsive devil?" I whispered quietly to myself, scanning the landscape for any sign of life besides what was coming from the town. And suddenly, I spotted two figures, about fifty yards away, materialize. Holding my wand tightly in a death grip and ready for action, I apparated to the spot where the evil master stood.  
  
Voldemort and Jacklyn didn't even seem surprised that I was there, that I had scouted them out. All I did for a few seconds, was stare at each of them in turn, as they both bore their eyes into me.  
  
"Snape," Voldemort said in a low voice, finally. "What are you doing? Get back to the town."  
  
"I will not," I replied softly. Jacklyn smirked and tightened her grip on Voldemort's arm assuringly.  
  
"You dare talk to your master that way?" he asked dangerously.  
  
"You..." I said, trailing off, my confidence leaving me. For a split second, I wondered what I was doing there. Why didn't I obey him? He could kill me in an instant. "You are not my master," I finished, brandishing my wand.  
  
"Not your master, hmmm...?" Voldemort asked quietly. I knew what was coming, and could barely see his hand leave his side as he drew his wand, and in an instant, it was flung into my face. "Not your master, Snape. That's too bad. And you showed such PROMISE." He said this in the most mocking way possible, and, fearlessly, I tipped my wand under Voldemort's nose.  
  
He gave a piercing laugh that almost shattered my courage, but I held steady.  
  
"And what do you plan to do, Snape!?" Voldemort crowed as Jacklyn snuggled closer to him and lowered her eyebrows at me, smirking still. "Kill me!? You're a fool! A damn fool! If you lower your wand now, I will kill you quickly!"  
  
"Do I wish to kill you now?" I asked him, smirking back the best I could under such circumstances. "No. Not now. But soon."  
  
"Oh, such brave words for a fool!" Voldemort cackled, shaking from laughter but his wand hand held as if in stone.  
  
"Because first, I'm going to kill your fucking SPIRIT!" I spat. And with a force and speed I didn't know I even had in me at the time, I pointed my wand at the girl and shouted her happy requiem. For one moment I could freeze in my head forever on, I saw the shock on Voldemort's face. The sick look on the girl's. And I knew that this was the end of a lot of things. The end of peace. The end of safety. I was tearing up the contract! I was no longer his!  
  
"AVADA KADAVARA!" I bellowed.  
  
My voice bounced off the hills and reached the sky. There was a blinding green flash, and then a body hit the ground.  
  
Silence.   
  
Voldemort stood, so outraged that the girl was dead, that he could not even speak. Veins stood out on his neck, his eyes bulged, his teeth clenched so hard I thought they would break; and the power that radiated from him was so enormous I was almost blown back. My courage melted away to nothing, and I stood, petrified to the spot where I could not move from, for Voldemort's unholy power was so great, I could not ever comprehend... I had never felt such inhumane force! Of all the time I had been his Death Eater, he had not shown me the slightest PEAK of his terrible power! This was enormous, this was terrifying, and suicidal! I was dead for sure! He would, no doubt, win this war! He would, he WOULD! Nobody was a match for him!  
  
"You destroyed - my only link to - DUMBLEDORE!" he shouted, his power definitely flaring even more, so angry that his words weren't connected. But; link to Dumbledore? What was he talking about?  
  
"She - my ONLY - I could have won so soon - but you - you -" he blurted with rage. And then it hit me! He was using her! She must have known something about Dumbledore and he had been USING her! Like he was using everyone else! He did not love her, no, that was one mistake on my part... But by killing her, I had accomplished more than I thought I would have! How horrifying, but how extremely clever of me for killing the girl!  
  
In his extreme anger, Voldemort forgot to think, and dropped his wand, lunging for my neck.  
  
Of course I could not even see Voldemort come at me, and so wondered how I had ended up on the ground. My brain worked slowly in my terror, and I realized far too late that the evil lord was strangling me.  
  
"Hell, hell, I'm going to die!" I thought dreadfully to myself, unable to even utter the normal choking noises. He had completely blocked off my air, and my neck was twisting at an odd angle. I don't think he was going to kill me by lack of air; he was going to snap my neck! I began to see spots, and fell weak against Voldemort's abominable power.  
  
I had almost completely forgotten about the wand I still held with a death grip, and with my last ounce of strength I had in me, fighting for my life, I pointed it at me and apparated away from Voldemort as far away from him as I could.  
  
I was weak; I could only have gotten thirty miles at the most. But Voldemort had no way of knowing where I was; hell, I didn't know where I was! I was lucky enough escaping from the madman! As I tumbled to the ground, I let my wand drop from my grasp, gasping and falling into the awaiting arms of unconsciousness... 


	10. Chapter Ten

-Severus Snape-  
I was alive. My neck was sore, but other than that, I was perfectly fine... At least for the time being.  
  
It was a funny pattern... Defy the master, pay for it, do it again. I guess I'll never learn. And always the questions! Where was I? How did I get here? I know for sure that I did not black out in a BED, and that was where I felt that I was.  
  
Open your eyes. Move your limbs. You're ALIVE! Be happy.  
  
I sat up in the bed quickly, jolting straight up as if I'd just been shocked. Opening my eyes, I finally realized that I had been blindfolded. When I tried to remove the blindfold, I discovered that my wrists had been tied to either side of the bed. This in itself was a terrible offense, and angered me considerably.  
  
"Where are you, bastard," I shouted, lurching against the binds fiercely. A mistake on my part, as the mindless tugging stressed my sore throat. "Let me go!"  
  
"I will not pretend I cannot hear you," a reasonable voice said from what sounded to be the other side of the room to me. "Please, calm yourself so I may explain why you are bound."  
  
Instead of calming down as the man had asked of me, I kicked out and struggled at the ropes that held me in place.  
  
"No! I demand to know what you want with me here! Why am I here!? Who are you!? What do you WANT? What do you want!?" I shouted these words many times, each answered by a patient silence, until after a few minutes of my fit I had tired, my voice gone hoarse. There was nothing I could hear but my own heavy breathing. I believed my hands were turning blue.  
  
"I won't tell you who I am just yet, but I simply can't tell you where you are. It would be extremely dangerous and would threaten the safety of myself, as well as others. As far as I will tell you, I can say that I did not bring you here to harm you. You will be released somewhere far away presently, but first you must rest. I found you laid about in the worst manner outside a long way from here, and you're lucky to be alive," the man said softly.  
  
"Let me go," I growled. "Don't tell me I'm lucky to be alive, as if you care!"  
  
"Should I not," the man said; more of a statement than a question. "So what SHOULD I care about?"  
  
"What is this, a psychology lesson!? Let me free, I will do what I want, dammit! Let me go!" I shouted, beginning to go into another mad rage.  
  
"I know who you are," the man said quickly, yet calmly still. "You are Severus Snape, and you are a Death Eater for Voldemort. I could send you to Azkaban in an instant."  
  
I was too angry to talk for a moment, stiff and rigid. Although, I couldn't help a small tinge of fear that stabbed at me, but I wouldn't let the man see, not for my life.  
  
"I am NOT a Death Eater," I replied stiffly, stupidly.  
  
"I wouldn't think you'd be one to lie," the man said after a moment of silence. "You're not a coward in these situations."  
  
"Damn right, bastard," I spat.  
  
"You're a Death Eater, though," the man said.  
  
"That's where you're wrong." I sneered. "I killed Voldemort's "link" to Dumbledore and left."  
  
"Left, did you?" the man sounded humored. "The way you looked, it seemed that Voldemort had left you for dead."  
  
"You're a Death Eater, aren't you?" I shouted. "You are, and you just want revenge! Unbind me, and we'll fight until one of us is dead, I'm not afraid!" I yanked at the binds again, and almost gave a shout as I undoubtedly dislocated one of my wrists with a loud, popping noise.  
  
"Stop now," the man said sternly, in a more serious manner. "Quit hurting yourself. Tell me, exactly, why you left Voldemort, and I shall set you free after you rest."  
  
"You promise me, you better, that you will let me free if I say ANYTHING!" I yelled.  
  
"Anything about QUITTING," the man answered. "You never quit like this before. You've never given up. Why now?"  
  
"Fool!" I cried, "Fool! I did NOT quit! I rebelled against Voldemort's and his band of stupid jesters! He won't win this! I will win this!"  
  
"How can you underestimate him so?" the man wondered aloud.  
  
I hesitated. Once I thought about it, I really did fear the evil master. Not master, no; the evil wizard. The one I am not controlled by anymore! "I am controlled by nobody!" I shrieked. "I will not stand to be a servant, even if Voldemort IS the most powerful wizard!"  
  
"Do you really think he is most powerful? More powerful than a strong wizard? More powerful than Dumbledore?" the man asked.  
  
I laughed outright at this. "Evil outdoes good. For, while good limits itself with love and fairness, there is NONE of that with evil! It is stronger because it HAS no limits! If you saw Voldemort from where I was standing, however long ago that was, you would know that there is NO hope for any good to conquer him! Only a rival evil will defeat the satanic lord! Dumbledore is too worried about everyone around him, and protecting the world and all that heroic-" I stopped suddenly. "Don't tell me..."  
  
"Yes?" the man asked curiously.  
  
He's not a Death Eater. He saved my life. He doesn't fear the name of Voldemort... I'm so slow! I'm so painfully slow, I amaze myself at my own stupidity!  
  
"You're not Dumbledore!" I cried. The man was silent. "You're not! If you were he, you would have done something to me by now! He can't STAND me! I know, I just know that he'd send me off to Azkaban the first chance he got! God, no!"  
  
"I said I'd tell you who I was shortly," the man said softly. "And I cannot lie to you."  
  
"Get away from me, let me go, I want out, you tricked me!" I shouted over and over.  
  
"I did what I had to do to help the truth out of you, Severus. You always were defiant in school," the man said.  
  
"Don't, stop it! Don't talk about school, and don't use my first name, dammit! You didn't "help the truth out of me", you tricked me! You tricked me!" I yelled, pulling at my binds again.  
  
"I will not deny it. I am Albus Dumbledore. Remember; I could put you into Azkaban in an instant. The only reason I am not is because I know you left Voldemort for good. But what did you think you would accomplish once you left? What were you planning on doing? Why don't you think it over. Join us in the end."  
  
"Hell, no!" I protested.  
  
"It's for your life," he said sadly.  
  
"You don't care, you just don't want a threat!" I shouted.  
  
"Severus, you are a fool," Dumbledore said quietly, as inoffensively as possible. "You do not understand yourself, and overestimate your powers greatly. I am sorry for you, and you will do well to come back to us with no protest." There was silence. I was completely disbelieving of what he was saying. "But you will not come without a fight, am I right? You have been given wrong thoughts! See the error of what you think is right, and join us in our quest for freedom, peace; no more war, I am tired of war. I will fight if I must, understand; for the people and for the world. But you can help to end this. You can make the difference you always thought you could make!"  
  
"No, no, no!" I objected. "What is good, anyway? Weakness! All it is, is weakness!"  
  
"No. That is where you're wrong," Dumbledore answered. "Good shows great courage and strength. To go against what you fear for what you believe in."  
  
"I believe in NOTHING!" I growled, my throat hoarse from screaming. "I believe in nothing, and there is nothing to believe in."  
  
"There are many things to believe in," Dumbledore said patiently.  
  
"That's right," I shot sarcastically, "Love, truth, freedom; I don't love, truth is bitter, and freedom I already had BEFORE you took me against my will!"  
  
"You do not care about one other person?" the old wizard asked.  
  
"I care for nothing," I said truthfully. "All I ever cared for was my own life, may it be selfish of me."  
  
"Extremely," Dumbledore agreed. "What about trust?"  
  
"There is no trust," I grumbled.  
  
"You can't trust me?"  
  
"I can trust nobody. You're going back on your word. You said you'd let me free," I said.  
  
"No; I told you I'd let you free once you rested, but you're just making it worse. Rest, and I will let you go," he bargained.  
  
I exploded. "Why do you care!? What is one life, anyway!? What am I worth!? I don't believe you kidnap every Death Eater you find and try to talk him out of being rotten and selfish! Otherwise, Azkaban would be empty! I'm being fooled with! Why do you ask me questions and wonder why I am not good? I'm not, all right? Send me to Azkaban and QUIT PLAYING WITH ME!" I gave another struggle for force.  
  
"I do not send you to Azkaban," Dumbledore said more quietly than ever, "because I know there is good in you. You are a confusing one. So many Death Eaters, always pleading for their lives on the spot; showing me nothing but evil and hatred, and refusing to speak... Mindless killing and all of that! But I see something different in you."  
  
"There is no good in me! Listen to what I say! I despise good, and I shout down upon all you good people! There is no difference between me and the others!" I growled. "Send me to Azkaban if you must, just stop this talk of beliefs and goodness! I have none of that! I am no different."  
  
"You are merely confused," Dumbledore said. "Confused about who you are."  
  
"Don't start with that," I grunted. "Spare me the way you talk, it's absolutely painful," I said, my voice full of sarcasm.  
  
There was an even longer silence now. It lasted more than ten minutes according to my mental clock. Finally, Dumbledore spoke again.  
  
"You will rest now. Later, you will go free," he whispered. "One day, when you realize it, I'll be here. You'll find yourself in the middle of a disaster, and I will help you. And that is when you will trust me fully. And that is when you will join me."  
  
I didn't reply. I really was very tired, and didn't want to think about what this madman was saying to me. So, giving in to the aching and throbbing, and the soft pillows against my back, I settled stiffly into position I held until I heard Dumbledore leave the room. Then I fell into a dreamless sleep.  
A/N: Thanks for reading such a long chapter, peeps! If this was a little more confusing than normal, please; bear with me. I had no chance to read this over. I will when I get the time, but my sister is yabbering for the compy. Hope you liked it! :D :D :D :D (And if it's really that bad, I'll fix it up.) 


	11. Chapter Eleven

-Severus Snape-  
I bolted upright, tearing my eyes open to find myself in the middle of the field that I had left myself before my encounter with Dumbledore. Frantically, I turned out my pockets for my wand, but couldn't find it. I noticed it lying in the grass a few feet away.  
  
Hastily, I snatched my wand up, which was not broken, thank God. Only then did I realize that my left wrist was working fine, and not dislocated at all.  
  
"Hey, you!"  
  
I spun around, obviously confusing a mere muggle man by the crazy look on my face. I let him approach me, with a shaggy canine companion following him closely.  
  
"What do you want?" I asked sharply as the man made his way around a bush to where I stood, gripping my wand defensively.  
  
"I've been watching you," the man said gruffly. "You just kind of appeared out of nowhere, you know?"  
  
"What did you see!?" I cried, lunging for him.  
  
"Don't be hasty!" the man replied quickly, jumping back, eyes widened. "I'm just concerned for you. You looked pretty nervous for a guy who just decided to take a nap on my property."  
  
"Take a nap..." I repeated, exasperated. "Yes, that's right. So you saw me come up and take a nap?"  
  
"Naw, I didn't see you come up. Seemed to come out of nowhere. But you threw something," the man said. He eyed my hands. "That thing there, that stick." He gestured towards my wand.  
  
I was the confused one now.  
  
"You saw me throw this?" I asked, holding up my wand.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And then I took a nap."  
  
"You don't remember?"  
  
"Of course I remember, fool!" I growled. "I think I would know if I took a nap!"  
  
I took a couple deep breaths to calm myself.  
  
"I'm sorry," I said quickly. "I'm frustrated right now. Please, tell me; did you see any other man?"  
  
"When?" the man with the dog asked. The dog stared at me.  
  
"Just now! Ever! Any time that I was laying here!" I said impatiently.  
  
"Naw, nope," the man confirmed. "Me and Pip only saw you, didn't we, boy?" he reached down and scratched his shaggy dog between the ears.  
  
"How long did you watch me?" I asked, eyeing the dog in disgust.  
  
"As long as you were there," the man said, staring thoughtfully at the clouds.  
  
"Why?" I wondered aloud.  
  
"Well, you were only there for about fifteen minutes!" the guy answered.  
  
"You saw me throw this down," I said slowly, holding up my wand. "Then I took a nap."  
  
"Yep," the man said cheerily.  
  
"And there was nobody else," I said.  
  
"Nope. Nobody else for miles. Closest town is thirty miles away. I like the quiet of the country, and because there're no neighbors. That's why it's odd that you're here. Nobody EVER come here," the man said.  
  
I was fully confused now. If I had thrown down my wand fifteen minutes ago, then that meant that I had escaped Voldemort fifteen minutes ago... Impossible! That's not enough time for Dumbledore to take me someplace, talk to me, then drop me off here again! Especially without this muggle knowing it!  
  
Then it hit me; maybe I had NEVER talked to Dumbledore! Maybe it was all just a dream! Just a damn dream that I had out of guilt or something!  
  
The more I kept thinking about it this way, the more it made sense, and the more I knew it had all just been my imagination. Perfect.  
  
"You sure you're okay?" the muggle asked suspiciously. His dog continued to stare at me.  
  
I laughed. "Yes," I said with much relief, though I couldn't get the coldness out of my voice.  
  
"Good," the man barked, pulling his dog out of my reach as if I would try to pet it. "Now if you don't mind, I'll get back to my work now. And I don't want to see you in my field again!"  
  
I didn't answer, but apparated away, imagining the man's expression after my quick leave.  
  
I knew where I was going; to the old apartment I had abandoned so long ago. The only one I saved when raiding my hometown. I had killed the managers like I had planned, and destroyed everything else. But my apartment had the few things I wouldn't throw away. Spell books. Cloaks. Things I had collected over time.  
  
Appearing in the middle of my room, I was surprised to find it exactly how I had left it. Messy, things strewn about. There were muddy footprints trailing throughout my rooms, but they weren't mine. Probably those of an Auror who had come too late to save the witches and wizards of the complex.  
  
Stripping off the filthy Death Eater cape I still wore, I threw it in the fireplace. With a simple spell, I sent a jet of flames to the neglected logs. The cape instantly caught fire, and I laughed at the end of the beginning. In the beginning I had been unwise. I had been a follower. Now I was ready to start my individual legion of terror. I was ready to become a force of my very own!  
  
"Burn, you miserable little fucker! Burn! Burn!" I shouted, almost dancing with joy.  
  
I skipped to my old closet, throwing open the doors to find my favorite cloaks of the old days. I would no longer hide my face while causing havoc! I am not afraid!  
  
I threw on my new garments and laughed again in spite of myself. I couldn't wait until I was well rested! Yes. I must clean myself up, and sleep. Then I will embark on my first adventure! Oh, the danger! Voldemort on my heels for revenge! The Ministry tracking me! So many risks, so much fun! I was thrilled just thinking about it!  
  
The thrill of the chase. The thrill of suicidal adventure!  
  
And oh, how much I would love this!  
A/N: Hope you enjoyed! Next chapter comin' soon! :D :D :D 


	12. Chapter Twelve

-Severus Snape-  
  
"I want this town completely annihilated; no survivors unless they worship me. How many times have you done this before? Go out, my Death Eaters; and fulfill your most perverted pleasures. Torture the muggles and magical alike. Destroy them. I want to be able to bathe in the blood that you shed. Go now!"  
  
I heard Voldemort's familiar lustful cry as I'm sure visions of death filled his rotten brain.  
  
My plan was this: Destroy the Death Eaters. What a crafty plot to ruin Voldemort; kill his slaves one by one until all that is left is he! Then we will face each other, man to man, and we will see who wins in the end.  
  
I cannot kill them all at once. Especially if Lucius Malfoy is lurking around. I must be quick, stealthy, and smart about this. If my timing and skill is correct, I suppose I could squash every Death Eater by the coming month without getting caught.  
  
I had completely forgotten my plans to ruin muggles and the others; killing Death Eaters seemed more important to me at the time. Voldemort chose his men wisely, and they were not at all weak, or fools. They would take up all my time to kill. What a lovely challenge!  
  
Only after the Death Eaters are gone, will I begin to pluck off Aurors with the same fate. I wanted to suit my own dirty mind, I wanted to hear the screaming of a dying victim once more! I guess I am truly evil. And it is the greatest part of human nature, yet!  
  
Voldemort apparated away, and the Death Eaters ran off to destroy a nearby town. I stepped out from a hedge that I had been eavesdropping behind, careful not to make a sound as I whipped my wand from my robes, glad that it wasn't the familiar Death Eater cloak. I followed the Death Eaters, sure to apparate only after they apparated, so as not to appear in front of them and give myself away just yet.  
  
I knew my first target; I was going to go for that obnoxious, self-centered hulk of an oaf, Walden. The man was possibly only a couple men behind Malfoy in skill, and was perfect bait. He normally went for the more secluded victims so he could torture them without all the raucous in the background; the silence then the screams, and the ringing silence again. Absolutely delicious.  
  
Walden separated from the others as I had hoped he would, and I followed him quietly, striding at his exact pace, lurking in the shadows so as not to be seen by him if I moved fluidly enough.  
  
He flung a seemingly vacant door open with a bang, and there were cries of fury and panic. One man screamed in hysterics, "Death Eaters!" and I knew this was a household of mudbloods and probably one or two muggles.  
  
In a flash, I was out of the confines of the shadows, across the street and through the door. Walden had his wand poised, threatening any of the magical beings to reach for a wand. He heard me, but didn't react quickly enough to stop my spell. I have the most extraordinary reflexes, and they do come in handy.  
  
"Expelliarmus!" I bellowed, screeching to a halt so close to Walden that I could see my reflection in his furious eyes. I caught his wand with a tense but trained hand, ducking smoothly to dodge a blow he intended to inflict upon me. The man was much bigger than I, but I was quicker.  
  
"Crucio," I hissed, and the man was on the floor, writhing. Crutiatus was, above all, my favorite curse. Haven't I mentioned it before?  
  
Walden yelped and howled as long as I held my wand steady at him, and when I pointed it away, he lay gasping for breath on the wooden floor.  
  
I strode up to him and kicked him for good measure, and he gave a satisfying groan.  
  
"Stupid slave of Voldemorts!" I spat. The family gasped at the mention of the name in unison.  
  
"Snape," Walden growled. "You're supposed to be dead!"  
  
"Ah, far from it!" I answered mockingly.  
  
With speed I almost couldn't catch, Walden sprang from the floor and flung himself towards his wand in my hands. I pulled away, but he knocked me to the ground with his great body, landing on top of me and nearly knocking the wind out of me.  
  
We wrestled for control of both wands for a good while, but I still had hold of them, and since I did, I had the advantage. I shot a spell at Walden's eyes, and he threw himself back in pain. I darted out from under his mass and kicked him again, this time as hard as I could.  
  
"I could kill you at any time," I spat. "You know that!"  
  
"Bastard!" he retorted savagely. "The master will do away with you for sure!"  
  
"Didn't you hear?" I asked softly. Then my tone grew darker as I said, "I have no master. Avada Kadavara!"  
  
The mudblood and muggle family shrieked in horror, but Walden made no sound of protest. He was dead.  
  
"Here's your wand," I said coolly, throwing it down upon him. It hit his limp chest and rolled off onto the floor, tapping on the hard polished wood.  
  
I looked to the terrified family, and was overjoyed by their fear. I was about to speak, when the apparent father interrupted me.  
  
"You have saved our family," the man said with relieved passion. I felt a shiver of disgust crawl up my spine. I merely stared at him, then at the rest of his family for some time. They were adapting to my presence, and beginning to relax.  
  
Finally, I said, "Yes. Yes, I suppose I have."  
  
"You're a generous man," the mother sighed sweetly.  
  
"Yes, well," I said in all seriousness. " I must kill you now."  
  
"No," the man cried in disbelief. "Why!?"  
  
"Because I am a generous man," I mocked. "And your family will die today whether I kill you now or not."  
  
The father shook his head and whipped around to snatch a wand from atop a table top behind him in a desperate attempt to save himself and his family on such short notice. I killed him instantly. The mother and her two little girls began to scream, and then the mother was dead. And one more female.  
  
There was one child left; the one who had looked the youngest. She collapsed against the stairs, but couldn't make her way up, she was so upset.  
  
"Calm down, child," I said soothingly as I cast my spell. "It is only I who will go to hell for this."  
  
There was a flash of green. 


	13. Chapter Thirteen

-Severus Snape-  
One week later...  
I crouched silently behind a shrubbery, peeking between the whispy branches in the dead of the night, ready to attack my next target; a lone Death Eater, taking a swim in a slow-moving river. He was most likely a lazy sort, a great follower who has no intention to gain power; only protection. Working for Voldemort was a stressful task, but nothing rivers could fix. I wasn't sure who he was; all I could see was his silhouette.  
  
I had killed four more Death Eaters since the first. That makes five in all; thirty more or so left to go. Of course Voldemort knows it was me that did it, and it's surprising he hasn't done anything yet to stop it. I'm on my toes every second, wand ready at any small noise or passing shadow, but I know if he were to come after me at the time, I would not stand much of a chance. I don't know how angry he is about the losses, but I do know that he's taking followers much more cautiously these days. That was indeed my own influence; probably an impact that will result in more loyal servants in the future. His big head is an advantage, I noted; he gushes at anyone who will grovel at his feet.  
  
The man in the river was not naked, thank God. I don't think I would be watching him if he were. He stepped out of the water wearing what looked to be a rolled-up sleeved undershirt and perhaps a pair of jeans. The man wrung his thick hair out onto the grass he kneaded with his bare toes. This was my chance to get him. Number six.  
  
I leapt from the brush and brandished my wand, pointing it, ready for a wandless struggle from the man; quite an enjoyable experience, if I do say so myself. Before I could get within six meteers of him, he spoke.  
  
"Hold it, Severus," he said. I knew that arrogant voice and almost laughed outright. It was Lucius Malfoy, and I was going to kill him next! Best choice just under Voldemort.  
  
"What a pleasure seeing you here," I said softly, grinning slightly and pacing up to him; he who looked so ready to die.  
  
"I could say the same," Lucius replied calmly. His eyes flicked from mine to behind me, and before I knew it, I was tackled to the ground from behind.  
  
"Don't let him go!" I heard Malfoy order to the man who had body slammed me, and the guy seemed to want to squeeze my life out. He had knocked the wind out of me from the fall, and I couldn't even budge under his enormous, strong hold.  
  
"Yessir," the man grunted, and I recognized his voice as Crabbe's, the good for nothing piece of gorilla shit.  
  
"Get off!" I demanded, my voice muffled from beneath the giant. I couldn't move an inch, and I didn't like it one bit. "Get off me, damn you!"  
  
"Hold him steady, Crabbe," Malfoy instructed over my shouting. "Hold him up."  
  
I was whiplashed like a rag doll up to my knees all at once, and Crabbe kneeled on my feet, his arms in front of mine so he could pin my elbows to my sides while holding me in a death grip upright.  
  
"You'll pay for that, Malfoy!" I threatened. He smirked.  
  
"Really? I don't think so," he said mockingly, stepping right up to me. I tried to lunge for him, but of course I couldn't make even the smallest move. "Because you have nothing, isn't that right? Not with the Death Eaters, and not with the Ministry, correct? A lone rebel. A lone rebel who's going to die without a trace. Without one person in the whol world who even actually CARES. I think I'm doing everyone a favor by getting rid of you. How does it sound? Just give up now. You're just one more for the junk pile." He got down right in my face; Crabbe merely had to shift me into one of his gigantic hands to hold my head in place. I was going to kill him one day. I really was. "Send me a postcard from hell, all right?"  
  
I spat in his face.  
  
Malfoy drew back, momentarily disgusted, but recovered quickly, kicking me swiftly. Pain flashed through my body, and I struggled limply against Crabbe's iron grip. Malfoy grinned wickedly, wiping his face while shouting: "You know what to do! Kill him. Kill him nice and slowly." He turned his back and strode away, leading about fifteen Death Eaters to wherever Crabbe was to pull me off to. I myself had participated in many torture killings... ironic, isn't it? There was no way of getting out of this one; I had dropped my wand, and it lay only inches from me. But inches were enough.  
  
Crabbe jolted me off my feet, still with my arms pinned behind my back so I was literally being dragged a step behind him at a time. I tried to keep up with his forward long strides, but I was only able to stumble backwards at best.  
  
"You big flake, unhand me!" I growled to the ape alone. "You'll be dead the moment you loosen your-"  
  
I was thrown harshly to the ground, standing furiously to see a circle of Death Eaters around me.  
  
"Fools!" I spat, babbling in my panic. "Damn fools, stop this now! You can't kill me! You just wait until-"  
  
I was cut off again when a Death Eater from behind struck me on the side of the head. I cursed and leapt for the man, but he withdrew his wand too quickly.  
  
"CRUCIO!" he shouted.  
  
It took all my strength to keep from crying out, but soon the spell became to powerful. I screamed death threats at every one of them, refusing to give in to apparent cries of pain.  
  
The other Death Eaters joined in with the one man who continued to use the cruciatus on me; their voices were lust-stricken and I could tell that they were enjoying their imaginitive curses. Oh, I was stupid; shouldn't I have known that they would figure me out sooner or later? But I never expected this...  
  
I saw nothing but the jets of light being shot out of wands, and I was deaf to everything but my own swearing and threats and shouts of anything I could think of, anything but cries of pain or cries for help, no, I wouldn't do that, I wouldn't give them that one gratification, I would not give in to them, I would stand until I died, I would stand in death, but no pain, no suffering, no pleading, no crying, no weakness, no, I won't do it, I won't let them take me so easily, I am Severus Snape and I do not bow to the slaves of madmen, I am Severus Snape, I am  
  
My threats slowly turned manic, then suddenly transformed into hysterical laughter. I wouldn't allow myself to stop. I would not give in to the Death Eaters who were closing in, closer, closer, I couldn't breathe, the were so close; I was so far away... I couldn't hear myself anymore, but I wasn't unconscious; and they kept swarming, having ambushed me like I had done four of their men, five counting the one who retaliated.   
  
Everything was silent; deathly silent.  
  
I tried to speak; nothing. I couldn't move. I couldn't think. I felt nonbeing. At the same time, I was suffering. Suffering like I've never suffered before; excruciating, terrible pain; and I deserved every bit of it that had come so fast. Fading. Blur. Nothing.  
  
Snape, you're not just going to die there, are you?  
  
Maybe I am. I don't want to. Do I have a choice?  
  
Yes, you do. Now listen up.  
  
What if I don't want to?  
  
Do you want to do anything?  
  
No.  
  
Then maybe you were supposed to die. Right now. Like this. Alone. In pain.  
  
I'm supposed to die fighting, right? That's what they all want.  
  
Who's 'they all'? The other Death Eaters? You don't want to be like them.  
  
I have no choice, I am like them.  
  
You have a choice; don't be like them.  
  
I can't help it.  
  
Yes you can.  
  
No I can't, look what I've gotten into.  
  
Yes, and now you're going to fix yourself up.  
  
How?  
  
Wake up.  
  
I am awake.  
  
Open your eyes!  
  
They are open!  
  
WAKE UP!  
  
I tore my eyes open and everything came back. The world wasn't over, and I wasn't dead... but the Death Eater's were gone, and I was by myself, on the ground, feelings as if I had been turned inside out and soaked in rubbing alcohol.  
  
But I was alive. Who cares how?  
  
I knew what I had to do; I had to do better; be better. This is my second chance. And I wasn't going to screw things up this time!  
  
I had made my decision; I was going to find the  
A/N: For those of yeh who don't know, and are mildly confused by that last line... well... Snapey bit the dust, a'ight? Not dead yet, and still so much more to come! ENJOY! :D :D :D :D :D 


	14. Chapter Fourteen

-Voldemort-  
  
Of course I had known it was Snape causing all the trouble; who else could it be? The man had just left my service and mysteriously went missing, and I'll admit I didn't know where he was for a good three days. But even after the very first Death Eater was killed, I knew it was him.  
  
I'll say this: yes, I was upset when Jack was killed. I was more than upset; I was practically manic. At the time, I had jumped to conclusion, hadn't thought out all possibilities. At the time, I thought that because of Snape, my reign was hopeless. After he made his escape, I realized that there were other ways of conquering the ministry, and began to wonder why I ever took that girl in. I will hardly admit it to myself, but I really do think I enjoyed the idea of a female companion; maybe a little too much.  
  
I will not go into any detail, because since her death, the mere thought of Jack has disgusted me; I had cast her away even before her body grew cold; but she was an irresistibly sensual child, and me - without even one record of previously shared affection - I just got a little carried away. I'd kick myself, but there's no use crying over spilt milk. What's done is done, and I don't think I'll ever do it again.  
  
Jack's help was not what I needed, though. Snape killing her wasn't much of a loss on my part. But his Death Eater killings... I believe that the man just wanted to kill them simply in spite, but he was hurting my fleet more than he thought he was, I'm sure. He probably didn't realize that if he had kept up killing unsuspecting Death Eaters, my entire empire would come crashing to the ground.  
  
I hate to say it, but Severus Snape is a born killer. He's swift and has the potential to be a great dark force. He's better than half of the Death Eaters, easily. He's cleverer than most of them. It's his ego, his enormous head that gets him into all of his trouble; believing he's better than all of us, that he can get rid of us all. Get rid of me! Ha. He's a clever fool if you know what I mean.  
  
I sent twenty of my best Death Eaters to set a trap for Snape, and it was easy enough to trick him. He has no sense of foreseeing what his foolishness might cost him. His life, for example.  
  
I had intended to kill Severus Snape, but at the last second I changed my mind. I didn't want him to die. I wanted him to suffer eternally. I wanted him to suffer for what he'd done to my Death Eaters, and what he'd done to me. Once he was unconscious and a pitiful, insignificant spec amongst the curses and spells, I arrived to admire my men's work. He was alive, but barely. I ordered the Death Eaters to clear out while I set a second trap for Snape. He will probably have enough time to think he's safe before the ministry finds him and sends him to Azkaban for good.  
  
I love how my mind works. Good-bye, Snape. Hope you find the dementors good company.  
  
-Severus Snape-  
  
I awoke to find myself still in one piece, and in my right mind. The curses effects were wearing off, and although most of the lasting damage was a little more than aches to say the least, I'm glad that the cruciatus doesn't leave persisting results. I stood almost easily, and remembered what I wanted to do. But first I had to find my wand. I suspected it was long gone by now, but it was worth the look. I wondered why the others hadn't come back, or why they hadn't thrown me in the rapids or something. They had probably moved on to another location by now...  
  
I began to walk in the general direction of where I had left my wand behind. I remember the scene clearly; watching in the dark from the tall shrubs towards the river and the small clearing...  
  
I came slowly upon the clearing, but all I could see was barren grass, not even a stick on the ground that could alert my attention. Stupid pigs. I knew they wouldn't just leave a wand there. Oh well; I can get a new one. There's no reason for hiding now; besides, nobody ever saw me without my Death Eater mask on. Not one person even has to know I made that two year long mistake. It's a secret only the Death Eaters and I share, and they have no reason to tell anything.  
  
Feeling very vulnerable without a wand, I set off to walk to the ministry building if I had to. Seconds later, I found out it wasn't necessary.  
  
"You there, hold a moment!" a voice called. I looked to my left to discover that the ministry was already here. The minister himself was sprinting up to me from a distance while other ministry members apparated around him. The man looked worried and a bit panicked, but once he saw I wasn't going anywhere, he seemed to relax.  
  
"Yes, what is it?" I asked him warily, eyeing the other men as he approached. My fingers itched for a wand.  
  
"I am Oswald Claude, Minister of Magic, and these are active members of the ministry. Are you Severus Snape?" the minister asked, slightly out of breath from his run over.  
  
I was hesitant in answering. Why did he want to know?  
  
"Are you Severus Snape?" Claude repeated.  
  
"Yes..." I replied cautiously.  
  
"We would please ask you to accompany us back to the ministry. We have business to discuss," the minister said sternly. "And if you do not willingly come, we will have to resort to force, and we wouldn't like that, now, just for your information, so you should mind our request..."  
  
"What for?" I asked harshly on the verge of an outburst as the other men stood in what I thought to be a seemingly threatening stance behind the minister. I recognized one of those men as Albus Dumbledore, and instantly tried to distract myself from knowing he was there.  
  
"It has been reported that you are a likely Death Eater, and as a suspect we must take all necessary precautions," the minister said quickly. "We have arrested and imprisoned several of these Death Eaters, as this destructive cult is more commonly referred to as, and we have discovered that upon entry to this band of... killers..." the man eyed me before he went on. "...bear a distinct tattoo-like marking on their left arm that signifies their loyalty to the group or something along those lines. If you would slowly show us no marking of this kind, we would be entirely ready to deeply apologize. These are standard proceedings, and there is NO cause for disturbance of the peace." He stared at me hopefully. I didn't make a move.  
  
"Come, now, standard, is all. If you're clean, you're free to go along your way," the minister assured me. I still did nothing. What was I supposed to do? Show him the mark? He would never believe that I wanted to do away with the Death Eaters! I really did think I was ready to join the ministry and civilians against Voldemort, I truly did! They would just think I was being cowardly, and oh - there's Dumbledore's stare, that calm, all-knowing stare... And he had no clue whatsoever!  
  
"If you don't show us immediately, we will be forced to make you show us, by law," the minister said sternly with a superior edge to his voice. "Will you show us by your own will?" This last sentence was said with so much authority I wondered how he could even call that my own will.  
  
"No," I said.  
  
"I do not want to resort to violence, sir," Claude said gruffly. I knew he would never believe me now that I was trying his patience like this, stalling for more time, to think of a way to keep from showing him. "I will be forced to use my wand if you persist to be disobedient, you understand that?"  
  
"Ha," I laughed. "I wouldn't advise you to make such threats, sir, I don't think your men would cooperate." Of course I was thinking curses, although none of the others were. They looked puzzled at my ignorant confidence. When Claude began to withdraw his wand from his belt, I almost gasped in surprise, but responded quickly enough to alert the minister when I hit him across the head to keep him from pointing the thing at me.  
  
In an instant of confusion, at least three of the men of the ministry whipped out their wands while a couple leapt to hold me back from hitting the minister again. Claude stumbled back in shock but quickly gained his balance, putting a hand to where I had hit his head and pointing his wand at me like the few others were.  
  
"Show the mark," Claude growled to the men who were holding me back. I began to struggle in their grasp, but I was still too weak to be fighting again and easily was caught in a strong hold.  
  
"Let me go!" I objected as one of the men held me while the other pulled my sleeve up. Too late. Damn. There it was, not quite as clear as before, but still there, and that was all that mattered to them.  
  
"Escort him to the ministry!" Claude huffed.  
  
"I'm not a Death Eater," I said quickly, struggling still. "I'm not, I haven't been!"  
  
"We will settle this in front of a jury of qualified witches and wizards," Claude said sharply. "And you will most definitely be seeing Azkaban!"  
  
"Listen!" I shouted, but we were already apparating away, me in one man's grasp.  
  
In a flash, I was transported to a remote holding cell, thrust down by the one man who worked for the ministry.  
  
"Wait!" I protested, but he apparated swiftly away, leaving me to myself to just wait it out until I would be put on the spot that would decide if I would go to Azkaban or not.  
  
"DAMN IT!" I shouted in a burst of rage, throwing my fists against the stone wall.  
  
They were my last resort, and they didn't even let me talk! Undoubtedly, my chances of getting away were slim.  
  
One bad thing after another; I feel like I've been set up... you know?  
  
A/N: BUM BUM BAAAH! And STILL not the end! I've got more, too! Tis all in mah head, heheh. I estimate....... ummm....... many more chapters! So review and I'll upload faster! (Next week is finals so I may not update for a week, but wait a minute, I never update in less than a week - LOL - bad me. Anycrap, I'm rambling now, so I'm gonna stop. ENJOY! 


	15. Chapter Fifteen

-Severus Snape-  
  
I heard a shuffling of feet and a few voices down a dark corridor, one recognizably the minister's. If the stupid holding cell wasn't in such an awkward position, I would be able to see who he was talking to, but with my face pressed against the rusty bars, I could only see about fifteen feet of the long hall. When the voices grew louder, I pulled myself away from the 'cage' door and waited it out.  
  
As they grew closer, I already knew who accompanied the minister besides the unknown man he talked to. I could feel them, their cold chill and dark power... how they reminded me of the worst parts of my past... I had only been told of them, but I knew right away that these were the described beings. You can't mistake them for anything else, these dementors, I am told. I had never seen one before, but I knew I was about to get an up close experience.  
  
The group came into view, and I gaped at the dementors, completely forgetting about the minister and his only human accompaniment. These creatures were... indescribably dreadful. Already I could feel their powers working on me; no doubt they were itching to suck my mind out, as I've heard they can do something along those lines. Just their towering, black-hooded figures were threatening enough, and any thought of trying to escape was out of the question.  
  
Claude looked upon me with loathful authority and unlocked the cell I had been caged in for only a few hours' time. He looked almost bored when he flung open the door, which made a loud squealing that echoed off the stone walls. He made a small gesture for me to come, and I reluctantly left the cell to be guarded on either side by dementors.   
  
They tried to hold me secure, which gave me such an unpleasant feeling that I snatched my arms away. When they held to my arms again, Claude gave me a warning look. When I gave him a dangerous glare and pulled myself free again, he finally spoke.  
  
"You'd best mind them," he said. "The more you cooperate, the faster we get this case settled." Then he added, "Of course, if you are free of misdeed as you claim to be, the dementors will merely be of uncomfortable annoyance, is all. No harm, really. But surely YOU have nothing to worry about," he said sarcastically. "YOU'RE not a Death Eater."  
  
I clenched my teeth in order to keep from hurting him, which I most certainly was pressured to do, but let the dementors escort me. The faster I get my case across, the better, and these dementors were a little more than annoying. The minister knew very well that I would find the dementors extremely unpleasant, and he enjoyed every moment he got to see me trying to endure the maddening charm they inflicted upon a transgressor such as myself.  
  
I think the minister purposefully led us down the hallway slowly so I could feel the full effect of the dementors. By the time we reached a doorway at the end of the corridor, I felt terribly sick and cold.  
  
Oswald Claude opened the door and entered first. I was finally let go by the hellish creatures and followed the minister into a room that held only a chair on ground level that was positioned in the center of a circle of elevated chairs. In the chairs sat at least thirty-five witches and wizards, all completely silent. I was pointed to the chair and found to my extreme disappointment that I was shaking slightly; probably from the dementors, but it could have been the pressure of being stared at. I knew one thing at least; I was really in trouble this time. And I had no way to make them leave me alone. I knew I was going to have to face the authorities sooner or later.  
  
I sat down. All eyes followed my movements. I recollected myself as good as I could and tried not to look at anyone directly. From the corner of my eye, I could see the tall black dementors step side by side in front of the door we had come through, obviously blocking me from trying to escape. Even if they weren't there, I wouldn't have tried to escape now; even without them, escape was out of the question. Besides, I had been running too long. But I could feel them so strongly...  
  
"Severus Snape."  
  
I snapped my head straight forward at attention, but did not say a word as the minister took his seat in the first row of elevated chairs.  
  
"We have evidence to assume that you are a Death Eater, and have been working for He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named by your own will for a number of years. Judging by the gravity of this crime, you have been sentenced to a lifetime in Azkaban, by penalty of law stated in section A page 212 of the Ministry's Legal Handbook that abusing your rights as a wizard in serious offense leads to this capital punishment. Any objections so far?" Claude looked up from his notes and stared directly at me. I made no reply - in all reality - speechless.  
  
"Minister Claude," a wizard in the center of the crowd spoke up, clearing his throat and continuing as he flipped through a few papers. "It says here that Severus Snape is twenty-one, legally an adult as of now, but when the crimes were committed, he was still a minor. What punishments fall through for that reason?"  
  
"Severus Snape, as a Death Eater, has committed crimes in direct violation of our most adamant laws, if you would care to look at his records..." Claude answered smoothly. "Murder, torture, arson, vandalism, mass destruction, I could go on... These offenses count just as much upon minors as they do on adults. Any objections?" He looked at me again.  
  
"I am not a Death Eater," I said.  
  
"Do you deny that you bear the mark of a Death Eater, and that you refused to show us without force?" he asked.  
  
"No. But I am no longer a Death Eater," I said quickly.  
  
"Yet you expect us to let you out of here, your crimes going unpunished?" the minister asked.  
  
I made no reply.  
  
"Well?" Claude said.  
  
"No..." I said uneasily.  
  
"Then you agree that you should carry out your sentence?" Claude asked.  
  
"No," I repeated with more force. "I could... I could give you names!"  
  
Claude stood easily and began to pace in front of me, obviously enjoying his speech to come.  
  
"Say, Severus," he said calmly. "How many years do you think you've served under... him... as a Death Eater?"  
  
"Two years," I answered reluctantly.  
  
"Let's say, as a Death Eater for two years... let's round this off to exactly two years, three hundred and sixty-five days each year, which makes... seven hundred and thirty days approximately... Say you took weekends off from your terrible duties, there being forty-eight weeks in a year... ninety-six weekends you took off, two days each... Let's say you killed or tortured two people for every day you went out on your Death Eater raids, as you call them..." the man stopped for a moment, thinking hard about the math of this... obviously staged because he had been planning this speech. I knew it. "For the five hundred and thirty-eight days that you ruined two peoples' lives, it makes a total of one thousand and seventy-six innocent victims." There was silence as the minister let the words soak into everyone's brain. Then he stepped right into my face and said softly: "You destroyed one thousand and seventy-six people's lives. Do you have one thousand and seventy-six names for us, Snape?" He said my name with disgusted emphasis.  
  
I stared at him. He stared at me. There was no speech between either of us. Finally, after minutes of merely staring, I shook my head once for no.  
  
"It's Azkaban for you," the minister said, rising to inform the onlookers. If there are any objections, please speak now." All were silent.  
  
"Minister," I said. He looked to me again. I spoke so quietly, I was sure the front row could hardly hear me. "But I know what I've done wrong. And I will never do it again!"  
  
"Quite, quite, and we believe you," he said sarcastically. His voice dropped. "We cannot let every criminal go just because they regret what they've done... Don't they all regret it once their faced with Azkaban? Yes, you're sorry, aren't you? And you'll BE sorry... for the rest of your miserable life."  
  
"Give me a chance," I urged him, feeling extremely unsettled with the dementors stirring and the crowd watching and listening to my every word... So many other Death Eaters, I'm sure, have sat in this very seat and asked of the minister the same that I have asked for... What makes me different from the rest? Nothing!  
  
"I've given you plenty of chances," Claude said. "I've given you two years." He snapped his fingers and the dementors glided forward and yanked me by the arms out of the chair before I could stand up on my own. I felt a cold shiver rush up through me, from even my toes I felt it as the dementors seized me, and I felt the hairs rising on my arms.  
  
I knew right then that couldn't stand forever like this! Ten times more so, probably a hundred times more so! It had driven so many people insane, and to think... God, what have I DONE? One thousand seventy-six people; one thousand seventy-six! Why don't I just die?  
  
Because I tortured them, I did I did I did, I tortured them and I liked it, I liked it and the dementors will like torturing ME! Until I'm bloody mad, which I already AM!  
  
Frantically, I searched the crowd of wizards and witches, all watching me calmly, knowing I deserved what was coming to me. I knew what was coming; I felt it, I could feel the dementors' power working on me already; I have done wrong, I will pay, I have paid but, oh, not nearly enough to satisfy them!  
  
Desperation, help, panic, help, I can't live the rest of my life this way! One thousand seventy-six! Ten minutes and I'm already going crazy thinking about it!  
  
"Why don't you just get rid of me, I'm such a threat; one thousand seventy-six, what's a few more if I escape, what's a few more?!" I shouted threateningly against the dementors. Nobody moved, and I went back to mindless panicking as I was escorted away from the crowd. "Don't put me through it, I've had enough! Why can't you see I've had enough?! Let me give up, I've changed, I'm no longer running; Dumbledore! Headmaster, you said you'd help me, you said you would, you said! I was coming back to give up, I was coming back, why won't you let me go, I did as you said, I did!"  
  
But the door was shut on me and I was being forced away now, the dementors' chilling hands steering me down a different corridor, this one most likely leading to the waterfront... in which I would be taken by boat to Azkaban.  
  
Malfoy was right... Nobody in the entire world cared. So, why should I?  
  
I won't. I've already made a complete idiot of myself, and I can sink no lower. Give in! I'll give in. Azkaban can HAVE me!  
  
Now, at least, I'll finally be wanted somewhere!  
  
A/N: Eh.... weird yeah. This IS going somewhere! It is!(not the O) LOL... Ok, randomeity Josie and the Pussycats line... Can't watch that movie too much, nope. It'll be a classic one day... Wow, this is one of my longest chapters yet... hope ya'll not getting bored. Watch for more to come! I'll be sure to post the next chapy-tar soon! ENJOY! 


	16. Chapter Sixteen

-Severus Snape-  
  
One week later...  
  
Dripping water echoing off the stone walls. Silence except for that. Not this time, no, I won't be fooled this time.  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Severus."  
  
"Yes, Father?"  
  
"Come here."  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
Blink several times. Stone walls. Dripping. Reality. Wake up. Disappears. I'm in my house. No, I'm not. Yes, now I can see it clearly...  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
I felt a deep dread as I cautiously made my way down the hall to where my father stood; a towering, menacingly serious figure. I instinctively straightened my posture perfectly and stared up at the man in the face, trying not to look smug or defiant. After all, he always told me that I had those looks, even when I wasn't thinking about it.  
  
"Your mother told me where you were today," my father said sternly. I bowed my head and kicked at the rug to distract myself, but a quick smack on the ear caught my attention again.  
  
"I like to play with the kids on the other side of the wall," I said as kindly as I could. That resulted in another smack.  
  
"How many times do I have to tell you, Severus? They're not like us! They're Mudbloods and Muggles! Do you remember what I told you about them? Yes?" He glowered at me.  
  
"Yes, Father," I mumbled. "They're dirty slum and are stupid and dangerous."  
  
"That's right," the stern man confirmed with an authoritative nod of his head; an older me, practically. "And you won't be playing with them again."  
  
"Daddy!" I protested. Smack. "Father," I said most politely, "I don't understand."  
  
"Of course not, son," my father growled. "You're just a child, but when you're older, you'll learn to tell the difference."  
  
"Like when I go to school?" I suggested.  
  
"Yes, when you're old enough to go to school, I assure you; you'll be able to tell."  
  
"What am I supposed to do for four years, then?" I asked.  
  
"You will stay on our side of the wall."  
  
"All right, Father."  
  
"There's a good boy," Father grunted. "Now run along and make some normal friends."  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Severus! If you don't show yourself right now, you're going to regret it!"  
  
"Go away, Father, I don't want to talk to you!"  
  
"Open this door!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"If I have to force it open, I'm beating you silly!" Father banged on the door in fury, but I refused to open it, holding the lock with white fingers to keep him from bursting in on me. I didn't answer him.  
  
"I'm giving you to the count of three!" he bellowed madly. "One!... Two!..."  
  
I unlocked the door and stood back as my father threw it open. Anger coursed through his features as he glared at me with rage. But there was silence. And his look relaxed to concern.  
  
"Severus?" My father entered the room. "Turn on the light, boy."  
  
I flipped the switch and stared at the ground as he approached me, stooping from his great height to observe me. I avoided his eyes.  
  
"Severus... What happened?" my father asked quietly. He raised a hand and took me under the chin to survey the damage. I tried to shake him loose, but he boxed my ears as he often liked to do and cleared his throat, standing. "Back straight, Severus, stare forward... that's right. Now tell me what happened, young man."  
  
"I got in a fight," I said solemnly.  
  
"Why?" he asked unsympathetically.  
  
"The... other boys... They don't like me."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"I - Father... I started it," I said truthfully.  
  
"Started what? The fight?" he asked.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Tell me what happened, boy!" Father growled.  
  
"We just started arguing, is all," I said as lightly as I could. "But I threw the first punch. I know I shouldn't have; they're bigger than me. But they said mean things, Father! They called me an outcast and told me I didn't belong here, and they said you thought the same thing. I told them it wasn't true, Father, but they kept on being mean to me! I had to do something."  
  
"You're better than that," my father said harshly, smacking me again.  
  
"What was I supposed to do?" I asked.  
  
"Quit whining!" he hissed.  
  
"What was I supposed to do?" I repeated.  
  
"FORGET about them!" he retorted.  
  
"But I want to play; I can't play by myself!" I said. "I grow terribly bored. I want to go to school."  
  
"You're still two years away, boy, now just be patient!" my father said. "In the meantime, just... play with the boys! No wonder they hurt you, son! You're a whining brat! Go back to them and quit pouting!"  
  
"I'm not like them," I said quietly, feeling on the verge of tears. I sniffed once.  
  
"Severus!" he scolded.  
  
I suddenly threw myself into his arms and started to cry hard. "You love me, don't you, Daddy?" I whispered through sobs.  
  
Father stiffened and pulled my arms from around his shoulders and shoved me hard enough to make me stumble back and fall. "Not when you act like that," he spat, and left, shutting the door behind him.  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Who have we here?" I said sweetly, just come around the corner to bump into my, I say sarcastically, FAVORITE group of people in the Great Hall. "His Majesty and his gang of royal followers," I jeered.  
  
"Shut up, Snape, I don't want to fight with you," James Potter said, starting to walk past me, accompanied by his school chums, Remus Lupin and Sirius Black.  
  
"Oh, Your Majesty!" I said with a high and exaggerated tone. "Humble, too!"  
  
He turned to face me; his friends did likewise. "Stop it."  
  
"Yes, Snape; don't you have vampires to get back to or something?" Remus Lupin chimed in.  
  
"Ha ha ha," I said sarcastically. "What, tired from all the attention? Finally found out you're all mortal?"  
  
"Look, Snape. We're just going to go eat lunch, all right? Don't hurt yourself," Sirius Black muttered, spinning around and stepping off to his table. The others began to follow.  
  
"Oy, Jamsie, don't forget to have your subjects roll out the red carpet for ya!" I called, stalking the threesome. They ignored me. "Too cool, Potter, too good for eeeverything, aren'tcha? Too high and mighty for your own kind, goody-goody Mudblood Fucker-"  
  
James whipped around and jumped into me, throwing the two of us to the ground.  
  
"Yeah you know who I'm talking about!" I laughed. "Getting a little angry, there, Potter?" He punched me in the face, and it was suddenly chaos; shouting, fighting, kicking, punching, the works. James's friends joined in, and soon teachers came to break it up.  
  
When a teacher dragged James away from me, I could admire the damage I'd done. But I wasn't completely damage free myself.  
  
"Who started this?" the old bat of a charms teacher shrieked, shrilly. All pointed at me.  
  
"Severus Snape!" she huffed. "Detention! Immediately after classes today! As for the rest of you... We will have punishments arranged!"  
  
"Fine-" I started before my owl suddenly swooped down in front of me with a note in his claws, appearing as if from out of nowhere.  
  
"What's this creature doing here?" the teacher huffed as another owl followed suit, but hovered above Sirius Black's head.  
  
"It's lunch time, professor," Remus Lupin reminded her, kindly.  
  
"That's right," the teacher said with a sigh. You children may open your letters, but if I catch you fighting one more time, it's suspension for all of you!" And she swooped off back to her table.  
  
I snatched my letter from the owl's claws and watched him fly away out the window. Stepping off to the side, throwing smug glances at the little gang, I tore open my letter.  
  
Dear Severus, (it read)  
  
I was going to wait until the time was right, but I decided not to for very long before I told you of the recent tragedy of your mother's death. It was an illness that we simply could not cure, and I'm sorry to have to tell you this in the middle of your school year. I would like for you to come home as soon as the weekend comes so we may arrange a funeral. She was suffering, but at least now the pain is gone for her. Good-bye.  
  
~Father  
  
I looked up from the letter to discover that the threesome of boys were staring at me. Only then did I notice that I had been subconsciously gripping the note so hard it was almost in half.  
  
"My father's taking me to get the newest racing broom this weekend!" I boasted loudly, folding the paper quickly and shoving it into my pocket with shaking fingers. "By the third year next year, it wouldn't be a surprise if I were promoted to the Slytherin Quidditch team Keeper with that broom!" And I strutted off down the hall, forgetting completely about lunch.  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
It was pouring down rain in the dead of the night. A perfect scene for me to be dashing away from home as fast as I could run. Home. Ha. That place wasn't home. Not anymore.  
  
A crack of thunder rumbled across the sky, but I saw no lightning. The storm raged on and I pounded down the sidewalk, holding my arms up as if enjoying it, but in all reality, I was trying frantically to wash away the blood.  
  
Blood, everywhere. All over the house where I had accidentally spread it. The authorities will be coming shortly, oh yes, and they would be looking for me there. I would be far away by the time they came, I would.  
  
My own father... I had murdered my own father. I really didn't mean to; it had been a total furious breakdown; a mistake. Blood, God, blood all over, have to get it off of me!  
  
It was partly my mother's death's fault for what had happened earlier. She had driven him to insanity practically; I'm sure it was that. Abuse every summer I wasn't at school... Until this summer, of course! Summer of the fifth year is special, ah, it is!  
  
I wouldn't put up with my father any longer! I had killed him in cold blood, with a knife! Slowly, stabbing him, slashing him, and I would do it again! I hated him! I hated him and now he's gone!  
  
Now he's gone and I have to get this blood off of my hands, off of my face, off of my robes. I'm glad it's pouring, so glad it's pouring, thank God it's raining so I can wash this all away, and wash away fifteen years of wasted life! It's over! He told me to take things like a man; your advice is great, father! Daddy-Son-of-a-Bitch, I hope you're suffering, as I quote you!  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
I was in Azkaban. I knew it. This was it. A cell. Surrounded. Dripping water....  
  
"Sit up, son."  
  
"Hello, Father. Back already?"  
  
"Back; I don't think so. You've come to me."  
  
"Oh, so where am I?"  
  
"You're home."  
  
"Oh, I thought it was prison... a few years ago..."  
  
"Yes, well, that was when you were young. Now you can tell the difference, can't you?"  
  
"The dementors, Father..."  
  
"What, were they teasing you again? I told you to stand up to them."  
  
"Of course."  
  
"It's what I always said, wasn't it?"  
  
"But you're here now."  
  
"I was always here, son. Remember?"  
  
"Yes, quite." I stared up at him, just a little boy again. "Father, I'm sorry."  
  
"For what?" he asked.  
  
"Are you all right? You're looking a little pale."  
  
"I'm fine, Severus. I'm only worried about YOU."  
  
"Your hair, Father! Your hair is falling out!" I stared at him frightfully as hundreds of strands of his dark hair fell to the ground next to my bed.  
  
"What are you talking about?" he asked, his voice rasping.  
  
"What's happening to you!?" I shouted, reaching out for him. His hair fell away to a naked scalp, and his skin drooped. His eyes sunk into his skull and I could see the veins in his cheeks clearly as he clawed at my cloak. I tried to break free.  
  
"You killed me, you killed me, you killed me, you killed me, you killed me!" he shrieked, shriveling to a screaming corpse, holding me in a death grip. His hands and arms were raw bone, his head a grinning, gaping dead and rotting face.  
  
"Let me go, Father! I didn't mean to, I didn't!" I shouted in fear. Blood spurted from his mouth and covered me - I was drowning, drowning in his blood, swim, swim, and all the while he was shrieking...  
  
"You killed me, you killed me, you killed me, you killed me, you killed me, you killed me, you killed me!"  
  
Breath! Breath!  
  
Breath!  
  
Oh, horror! Breath!  
  
SNAP OUT OF IT, SEVERUS.  
  
"Let me go!"  
  
"NO, LISTEN, YOU MUST."  
  
"It's not real!"  
  
NO, IT'S NOT! IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, CALM DOWN. IT'S OVER.  
  
"I want out of here!"  
  
YOU'RE OUT NOW.  
  
Darkness.  
  
A/N: Fun long chapter, eh? Long to me... But you must admit, I am quite a big shi - I mean - shot. ;) More to come! Actual stuff happening! Had enough crazy Snapey? Hmmm...? 


	17. Chapter Seventeen

-Albus Dumbledore-  
  
I had not planned on taking Severus Snape out of Azkaban; no doubt he deserved it entirely; but everybody changes their mind once in a while. The fact that Azkaban even exists is wrong, though, but as everyone reminds me, it's for the good of the world order. I think that there are other ways of imprisonment, and torturing murderers is acting no better than them.  
  
Why, Severus Snape? Because for some reason, I felt that it was my duty to take him out of this mess. Probably because of everything that wasn't criminally right about him added up; he didn't show any signs of fighting, he had been against the Death Eaters for some time now, and as he claims, he had come to join us. I'm sure he wasn't born to be a killer; nobody is. I believe that everyone can change, and Severus DID want to.  
  
But he did murder many people, and I agreed that he should be punished for it. I was ready to accept him having a lifetime in Azkaban, but the last thing he said to me changed my mind... He yelled something at me, and I didn't much understand him... But the way he said it was as if I had told him something to make him assume that I would protect him, and the way he was pleading with me was just... thought-provoking... As if he really did regret what he had done, and that I alone would see.  
  
I'm not sure if this makes any sense, but I knew I had to help him out, help him to change as he so wanted to do. But, understand; I couldn't just let him go punishment free... One; because he still had all those deaths to pay for, and two; the minister would never let off a convict just like that.  
  
Presently, the minister was assisting me in taking Severus Snape to a ministry room, where we would bring him to his senses and propose a more suitable payment other than Azkaban, in which he would carry out with for the rest of his life as he would have in that awful prison.  
  
"Albus, I still don't see why you're doing this," the minister huffed alongside me, pushing Severus towards the center of the hall that we were guiding him down. "But you obviously have a good reason for it..."  
  
"And I do," I said to him over the mad boy's muttering, completely oblivious to the fact that we were there as far as I could tell. "And I will explain myself presently..." I hurried forward to open a door, and closed it behind me as we entered the room. The minister directed Severus to a couch indifferently, and turned to face me after he had seated himself in a far chair.  
  
"Now, Albus," Claude said. "You know fully well what this man has done, and his sentence is appropriate."  
  
"Oswald, I am sure you understand that he has asked to join us by his own free will," I said. "And so should be given a different punishment."  
  
"What do you propose?" Oswald asked.  
  
"From what I've recently heard of him, he's been rebelling against the other Death Eaters, and had been steadily slowing them down," I said. "Why don't we let him continue that, only with our permission? Except, instead of killing those men, we may have him take them back to us so they can have a trial..."  
  
"You already know we've got Aurors to do all that!" Oswald intervened.  
  
"Yes, but the Aurors don't have the insiders experience of the Death Eater mind... He could come of use," I said calmly.  
  
"He can't be trusted," the minister said, shaking his head. "I won't allow it."  
  
"Then let him serve a short suspension first," I suggested.  
  
"What do you have in mind?" the minister asked.  
  
"He's been abusing his privileges as a wizard... Why not... let him live a short term as a muggle?" I said.  
  
"How do we do that?" Claude asked, interested.  
  
"We ban him to muggle England," I said. "Keep a close watch. If he causes no trouble, and proves himself a changed man, we can take him back and do as I suggested before."  
  
"How long will he be in muggle England?"  
  
"As long as it takes to prove to you that he has paid enough and will never kill for pleasure again," I said. "And if he doesn't prove trustworthy in the end, we need not take him back. What is one man, anyway? Besides, exile from our own kind is still better than Azkaban... What do you say?"  
  
"I say that sounds like a fair plan," Oswald answered. "Two years minimum exile. Agreed?"  
  
"Two years is quite a long time if you're thinking about him in terms of usefulness to the ministry," I said.  
  
"Two years is plenty short enough time. It takes that long to decide if one is changed, anyway. And it will be for the same amount of time as he was a Death Eater. More appropriate than any other amount of time," Claude said.  
  
"All right, then," I replied. "Two years in muggle England. If he passes your judgment after that, he returns to us."  
  
"Right," Claude confirmed.  
  
"Now, I believe we should get Severus in his right mind, wouldn't you say?" I suggested.  
  
"Of course," the minister grumbled. "I say; after a week of Azkaban, it's a surprise he's this bad already."  
  
"You underestimate it's influence, Oswald," I said. "We ourselves could never know what is going through the minds of the prisoners..."  
  
-Severus Snape-  
  
"Severus..."  
  
"Go away."  
  
I THINK HE'S COMING TO.  
  
"Severus..."  
  
"No, you're dead, you're not real."  
  
SEVERUS.  
  
"Severus..."  
  
"It's your fault, you know, it's your fault your wife's dead and it's your fault you're dead too, because you wouldn't have lasted much longer, anyway."  
  
IT'S NO USE, ALBUS, HE WON'T SNAP OUT OF IT.  
  
"Ha ha! And he won't!"  
  
"Shut up, bastard, you're not real."  
  
"How can I not be real? You're talking to me. You see me. Look at me."  
  
"I am looking at you, and you look like a corpse!"  
  
"Does that mean I'm not real? You didn't kill me, Severus. I'm right here."  
  
HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WE'RE HERE, HE'S TALKING TO A DEAD PERSON!  
  
"You're right; damn, maybe I'm not imagining this... but I can hear voices..."  
  
"They're what's not real!"  
  
"Perhaps you're right. Why would they be in our house?"  
  
SEVERUS, YOU'RE NOT IN YOUR HOUSE.  
  
"Yes you are, look around you!"  
  
"I can see, but these voices are so clear..."  
  
LOOK AT HIS EYES, IT'S AS IF HE'S DRUNK OR SOMETHING, HE CAN'T SEE US.  
  
"You're mad, that's why, but you can-"  
  
WAKE UP.  
  
"-and forget-"  
  
SNAP OUT OF IT.  
  
"-so-"  
  
"Father, you're fading..."  
  
"You better not let me-"  
  
IT'S NOT REAL, IT'S NOT REAL.  
  
"Our house... It's-" My eyes widened as the picture blurred and for a few seconds, another scene came into focus, one where both the Minister of Magic and Dumbledore stood above me.  
  
"It's not-"  
  
The house came back.  
  
REAL.  
  
"Where are you? I can't see you anywhere..."  
  
"Right here, you insolent little fool!" He charged at me.  
  
WHAT IS HE DOING, HE'S PITCHING HIMSELF LIKE HE'S POSSESSED.  
  
"You killed-"  
  
"Off!"  
  
"-me-"  
  
WHACK!  
  
The room came back into focus, but he was still there. I clutched the sides of my head and blinked several times, kicking at my father's arms that were still reaching for my neck.  
  
"I think you've done it, Oswald, I think he can see us!"  
  
"Of course I can, get him off me!" I shouted.  
  
"Severus, there's nobody on you-"  
  
"Can't you see he's trying to kill me, he's trying to avenge his death, it was all his fault, though-"  
  
"Listen!"  
  
I turned about and grabbed the couch arm in an instant moment of sickness and vomited over the side on the carpet. I couldn't feel him anymore, he wasn't there, I don't think he was, was he?  
  
I turned slowly around to survey the room and the people in it. Only Claude and Dumbledore.  
  
"Sorry about that," I uttered finally.  
  
"Yes you should be," the impostor said.  
  
"Still here, still here! My God, you are real!"  
  
"Yes-" Claude started to say, but I interrupted.  
  
"Not you, of course you are, but there he is, see him, see? He's standing there in the corner, there, look! He's real and he's back!" I said, panicked, pointing to a corner of the room. The others looked calmly on me. "It's a living corpse, look at him!"  
  
"Now, don't you worry, there's nobody else in the room," Dumbledore said assuringly.  
  
"Just look, there he is! Come for revenge! You won't let him kill me!" I said.  
  
"What's one more death, right son?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Severus, calm down! He's not real," Dumbledore said, shoving me down on the couch.  
  
"This lunatic isn't worth the time, Albus," the minister grumbled.  
  
"It's all right, Severus!" the corpse said sweetly. "They can't see me, but YOU can, and you're all that matters to me, because when you're busy dying they'll just think you're crazy!" He dove for me and I screamed aloud.  
  
Silence except for my short breaths. He was gone. No, he was never there in the first place.  
  
"Where am I?" I asked after a long while. "I want out of here."  
  
"Yes, and now you'll GET out of here-" the minister snapped, grabbing my arm, but Dumbledore calmly intervened.  
  
"Of course you do," he said. "And I suggest plenty of rest in your new environment..." He eyed Claude, who nodded agreeably and sat back down in his chair.  
  
"What are you saying?" I asked wearily, standing from the couch.  
  
"Here," he answered, taking out his wand. "Let me explain..."  
  
We were suddenly apparated to a familiar spot I knew as the Leaky Cauldron... Just outside it.  
  
"This is where you'll be suspended until further notice," Dumbledore explained.  
  
"The Leaky Cauldron?" I asked dryly.  
  
"Muggle England," he corrected, waving his hand toward the street.  
  
"But-"  
  
"Severus," Dumbledore interrupted seriously. "It took a lot of work getting you out of Azkaban, and I don't believe you'd be wanting to go back very soon. You will learn to live like them, and you would do best to behave yourself, am I clear?"  
  
"But-"  
  
"Good-bye, then. Hope to see you well, soon!" Dumbledore said, raising his wand again. I blinked. "And as I suggested before, plenty of rest will get you settled in no time."  
  
"What is this..." I started, but he had already disapparated. "Suspension? To Muggle England? For how long!" There was no reply of course, only a few stares from passersby. It was happening too fast... "Dumbledore..."  
  
I didn't have to search my robes to know I was wandless, but maybe someone in the Leaky Cauldron...  
  
I tried to open the peeling-painted door bur it was locked. I kicked it a few times and the old lock fell to pieces, the door swinging open.  
  
Nothing was there, save for a dusty table and a crumpled once-white sheet, yellowed with age. It seemed I would be stuck here for a long time... Damn.  
  
A/N: Yeaaah... We're getting somewhere, right? Heehee? Nyeh... More to come! :D 


End file.
